The Best Present Is Presence

I HATE CHRISTMAS. Or perhaps it would be better to say I hate what Christmas has become. The consumerism, the expectations, the obligations; none of which have anything to do with ‘reason for the season’ — celebrating relationship with a higher power…

Perhaps that is why I like this perspective from The Minimalists so much:

What if you could receive only one Christmas present this year? What would it be?

The answer for us is simple: time.

You see, the people we care about mean much more to us than a new pair of shoes or a shiny new gadget or even a certified pre-owned luxury car with a huge bow on top.

And yet, many of us attempt to give material items to make up for the time we don’t spend with the people we love. But possessions can’t ever make up for lost time.

The next time someone asks you what you want for Christmas, consider responding with, “Your presence is the best gift you can give me.”

When you’re completely focused in the moment—no TV, no Internet, no distractions—it makes a marked difference in the lives of the people around you. When you’re fully present, your love radiates.

And if you’re going to give gifts this holiday season, why not give your unencumbered time and attention first? Your loved ones will be glad you did.” via The Best Present Is Presence | The Minimalists.

December 9, 2012 5

8 Tips for Dealing with Difficult Relatives During the Holiday Season

Gretchen Rubin has some valuable insight for those who struggle with the holidays for one reason or another:

Holidays can be tough. Some people love them; some people dread them.

I thought a lot about the holidays as I was writing Happier at Home, because the holiday season tends to be a time when we focus on home. Maybe you’re going “home” the way I go home to Kansas City for Christmas–which may be fun for you, or not. Maybe you’re deciding how to decorate your home. Maybe you’re making an effort to arrange the holidays the way you experienced them as a child–or the opposite. Maybe you’re feeling sad, or happy, about whom you will or won’t be seeing.

From talking to people, it seems that one of the biggest happiness challenges of the holidays is dealing with difficult relatives. You want to have a nice dinner, but Uncle Bobby makes you crazy. What to do?” Get the answer here: 8 Tips for Dealing with Difficult Relatives During the Holiday Season. « The Happiness Project.

November 22, 2012 8

Block Friday

The guys over at the Minimalists have this thought to share:

This Friday is the busiest shopping day of the year: Black Friday. Retailers prepare months in advance for this dark day—preparation that’s meant to stimulate your insatiable desire to consume: Doorbuster sales. New products. Gigantic newspaper ads. TV, radio, print, billboards. Sale, sale, sale! Early bird specials. One day only! Get the best deal. Act now! While supplies last.

The Minimalists would, however, like to shed some light on this darkest of Fridays. It’s important to understand that consumption is an unquenchable thirst. Retailers and advertisers and manufacturers know this too well. And thus, they’ve invented an entire day designed to take advantage of your insatiable desire to consume.

The pernicious aspects of Black Friday are not few. The pandemonium of this day is a synecdoche for our consumer culture as a whole. On this day, people consume gluttonously without regard for the harm they’re inflicting on themselves. On this day, greed becomes ravenous. On this day, people live without real meaning, buying gifts to fill a void that can’t possibly be filled with material possessions.

Sadly, people participate in the rapacious nature of Black Friday in the name of a holiday, as if buying gifts was an ideal way to celebrate Christmas. But thankfully, you have options.

Instead of embracing Black Friday, you can Block Friday. You can refuse to buy material items for people to display your love. Rather, you can showcase your love, caring, and affection through daily actions—every day, not just holidays.

If you want to give gifts, why not gift an experience—a nice meal, tickets to a concert, or a sunset on the beach? After all, the best, most loving gift you can give someone is your time and undivided attention.

Will you join us? Will you opt out of Black Friday? If not, why not?

Source: Dark Friday | The Minimalists

I will opt out! I hate what Christmas has become and the stress that it causes by all the false expectations it creates. Give me Thanksgiving with family, food and gratitude and I’ll see you next year…

:-/

November 20, 2012 1

Feeling good

More thoughts on independence and personal responsibility from Melody Beattie…

Make yourself feel good.

It’s our job to first make ourselves feel better and then make ourselves feel good. Recovery is not only about stopping painful feelings; it is about creating a good life for ourselves.

We don’t have to deny ourselves activities that help us feel good. Going to meetings, basking in the sun, exercising, taking a walk, or spending time with a friend are activities that may help us feel good. We each have our list. If we don’t, we’re now free to explore, experiment, and develop that list.

When we find a behavior or activity that produces a good feeling, put it on the list. Then, do it frequently.

Let’s stop denying ourselves good feelings and start doing things that make us feel good.

Today, I will do one activity or behavior that I know will create a good feeling for me. If I’m uncertain about what I like, I will experiment with one behavior today.

Source: March 27: Feeling Good | Language of Letting Go

Sometimes, when I feel angry or inadequate I either go for a brisk walk or I do something that I’m really good at. In a perfect world, I shut out distractions and do both. It’s a tonic for the soul…

March 27, 2012 0

Control

Melody Beattie shares…

Many of us have been trying to keep the whole world in orbit with sheer and forceful application of mental energy.

What happens if we let go, if we stop trying to keep the world orbiting and just let it whirl? It’ll keep right on whirling. It’ll stay right on track with no help from us. And we’ll be free and relaxed enough to enjoy our place on it.

Control is an illusion, especially the kind of control we’ve been trying to exert. In fact, controlling gives other people, events, and diseases, such as alcoholism, control over us. Whatever we try to control does have control over us and our life.

I have given this control to many things and people in my life. I have never gotten the results I wanted from controlling or trying to control people. What I received for my efforts is an unmanageable life, whether that unmanageability was inside me or in external events.

In recovery, we make a trade-off. We trade a life that we have tried to control, and we receive in return something better — a life that is manageable.

Today, I will exchange a controlled life for one that is manageable.

Source: March 26: Control | Language of Letting Go

March 26, 2012 0

How To Live NAMASTE

Sandra Olic shares this…

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Holidays and Namaste!

Some of you may not know what the word Namaste means or just know it as the salutation yogi’s use to greet each other and when saying goodbye, and perhaps you are wondering what it has to do with the holidays. The meaning of the word Namaste encompasses the spirit of the holiday season, no matter what religion we may or may not practice- The divine, spirit or light in me recognizes the same in you; we are one. The gesture for Namaste is two hands placed together at the heart as we bow the head to the heart, to Love.

The holidays are a time of year when we are collectively vibrating at a higher level because at the heart of all of the presents, holiday parties and festivities lies life’s greatest healer- Love! It truly is a wonderful time of year. Peace, kindness, joy, generosity, appreciation and togetherness are overflowing…

Could you imagine if the spirit of this magical season lasted all year? I’m convinced we would all be much happier and healthier (minus the holiday eating and drinking of course).

Make it a point to connect with people you love regularly, even if you are busy. Life will always be busy but Love isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity and time is one thing that is so easily wasted yet impossible to get back.

Show your appreciation of the people in your world all year. Tell them, write it in a card, make them a meal or give them a small token of appreciation. Sometimes people don’t know how special they are to you until you let them know. Why wait all year to do so?

Spread the holiday cheer all year. The holidays are a time when most people’s level of friendliness goes up a notch and maybe they smile and chat more than usual. Keep smiling!

Source: How To Live NAMASTE

Sounds good to me!

Take It Easy On Yourself (mizfoofytayl.wordpress.com)

December 25, 2011 0

12 Tips To Assure You Enjoy The Holidays (Not Just Endure Them)!

Here in the midst of the holiday season, we’re so busy attending to others’ needs that it is all too easy to forget to take care of ourselves. While buying presents, cooking, and hosting our families and friends, we often push aside our own needs and desires. While the holidays are a wonderful time to be together with our loved ones, they can also be extremely busy and sometimes emotionally fraught, making the expression of self-love all the more important.

Forgetting to love ourselves can lead to seasonal blues, stress and anxiety. And while we may think we’re helping others, we are actually setting a negative example, especially for the children in our lives. Watching mom, uncle or grandma neglect him or herself is not a model we want our children to emulate.

Self-love does not, however, have to be left out of the holidays. I’m delighted to share these tips to help you navigate the holiday season in a way that is loving and considerate of yourself. I’ve developed these techniques through my own experiences and my work as a Body Image mentor and life coach. Following this advice helps my students remain calm and focused during the holidays.

Source: 12 Tips To Assure You Enjoy The Holidays (Not Just Endure Them)!

Go to the source if you’d like to get the 12 tips in detail and Happy Holidays to you…

December 24, 2011 1

Getting through the holidays…

These thoughts from Melody Beattie are helpful to me…

For some, the sights, signs, and smells of the holidays bring joy and a warm feeling. But, while others are joyously diving into the season, some of us are dipping into conflict, guilt, and a sense of loss. We read articles on how to enjoy the holidays, we read about the Christmas blues, but many of us still can’t figure out how to get through the holiday season. We may not know what a joyous holiday would look and feel like. Many of us are torn between what we want to do on the holiday, and what we feel we have to do. We may feel guilty because we don’t want to be with our families. We may feel a sense of loss because we don’t have the kind of family to be with that we want. Many of us, year after year, walk into the same dining room on the same holiday, expecting this year to be different. Then we leave, year after year, feeling let down, disappointed, and confused by it all. Many of us have old, painful memories triggered by the holidays. Many of us feel a great deal of relief when the holiday is ended. One of the greatest gifts of recovery is learning that we are not alone. There are probably as many of us in conflict during the holidays as there are those who feel at peace. We’re learning, through trial and error, how to take care of ourselves a little better each holiday season. Our first recovery task during the holidays is to accept ourselves, our situation, and our feelings about our situation. We accept our guilt, anger, and sense of loss. It’s all okay. There is no right or perfect way to handle the holidays. Our strength can be found in doing the best we can, one year at a time. This holiday season, I will give myself permission to take care of myself.

Beattie, Melody (2009-12-15). The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) (p. 370). Hazelden. Kindle Edition.

This is me — “Many of us, year after year, walk into the same dining room on the same holiday, expecting this year to be different. Then we leave, year after year, feeling let down, disappointed, and confused by it all. Many of us have old, painful memories triggered by the holidays. Many of us feel a great deal of relief when the holiday is ended.” — This year, I have healthy boundaries around the holidays and I’m not walking into that dining room and I feel relief already…

Some powerful lessons on healthy detachment from Melody… (toddlohenry.com)

December 24, 2011 3

Holiday triggers

One year, when I was a child, my father got drunk and violent at Christmas. I had just unwrapped a present, a bottle of hand lotion, when he exploded in an alcoholic rage. Our Christmas was disrupted. It was terrible. It was frightening for the whole family. Now, thirty-five years later, whenever I smell hand lotion, I immediately feel all the feelings I did that Christmas: the fear, the disappointment, the heartache, the helplessness, and an instinctive desire to control. —Anonymous

There are many positive triggers that remind us of Christmas: snow, decorations, “Silent Night,” “Jingle Bells,” wrapped packages, a nativity scene, stockings hung on a fireplace. These “triggers” can evoke in us the warm, nostalgic feelings of the Christmas celebration. There are other kinds of triggers, though, that may be less apparent and evoke different feelings and memories. Our mind is like a powerful computer. It links sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste with feelings, thoughts, and memories. It links our senses—and we remember. Sometimes the smallest, most innocuous incident can trigger memories. Not all our memories are pleasant, especially if we grew up in an alcoholic, dysfunctional setting. We may not understand why we suddenly feel afraid, depressed, anxious. We may not understand what has triggered our codependent coping behaviors—the low self-worth, the need to control, the need to neglect ourselves. When that happens, we need to understand that some innocuous event may be triggering memories recorded deep within us. If something, even something we don’t understand, triggers painful memories, we can pull ourselves back into theby self-care: acknowledging our feelings, detaching, working the Steps, and affirming ourselves. We can take action to feel good. We can help ourselves feel better each Christmas. No matter what the past held, we can put it in perspective, and create a more pleasant holiday today. Today, I will gently work through my memories of this holiday season. I will accept my feelings, even if I consider them different than what others are feeling this holiday. God, help me let go, heal from, and release the painful memories surrounding the holidays. Help me finish my business from the past, so I can create the holiday of my choice.

Beattie, Melody (2009-12-15). The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) (p. 369). Hazelden. Kindle Edition.

December 23, 2011 3

The No New Gifts Holiday Challenge

Image via Wikipedia

Are you ready to participate in the mad shopping frenzy that we partake in every year, not only on Black Friday but all holiday season long?

Are you ready for an incredible burst of spending, for racking up credit card debt, for the stress of buying things for everyone on your list?

Are you ready to consume an insane amount of resources, to have a huge impact on the environment, to work long hours to pay for all that?

Yep, it’s the holiday season again, and with it comes the worst season for consumerism ever.

I say, let’s opt out.

My family and I are issuing a challenge to all my wonderful readers, to the world: The No New Gifts Holiday Challenge.