Tag: Celebrate Recovery

Which wolf will you feed?

For most of my life, I have been a bitter, resentful, angry person. The story that I tell myself is that I came by it honestly. I’m a classic case of a person who suffered early childhood trauma around abandonment and rejection issues and much of my life has been spent in trying to get the people in my life now to make up for the things done by the people in my past. When this plan didn’t work [for reasons that are obvious to me now] I reacted with resentment and anger; first toward myself and then toward others… Continue reading “Which wolf will you feed?” →

4

Ever feel like you are backtracking?

Christine Hassler has a real beauty of a post today that I grabbed in its entirety for you…

One of my pet peeves about the personal growth industry is that there is a lot of expectation placed on consistently making positive changes. The promise is that over time as we do our work, we gradually and continuously “get better” (whatever “better” means).  What often isn’t addressed is that our learning and growth isn’t linear.  It’s not a straight shot from an “aha” moment to being totally transformed.

Please don’t torture yourself by buying into the misunderstanding that your growth needs to be straight up. That’s a lot of pressure – and also not possible.  Growth is more fluid.  And over time the lows (or perceived backtracking) we experience become shorter in duration and the length of time in between them becomes longer. I drew this picture for you to illustrate what I am talking about:

Screen-shot-2012-09-26-at-7.05.27-PM
The original image was kinda small; I think this is still legible…

The human experience is about contrast and sometimes the best way we learn is when we take a few steps that feel backwards.  Often when we have a big “aha” so much to the extent that we feel transformed, the Universe will bring us a situation that feels very similar to past experiences. Often people get frustrated and think, “This again? I thought I learned this already!” That may be accurate; you may have learned the lesson and now the Universe is bringing you an amazing opportunity to practice the learning so that you can fully integrate it. I give some examples of this in today’s video.

If you feel like you are backtracking in your own behavior, choices, or feelings rest assured you are not flunking life.  You learned from my UPdate last week that only about 95% of our processing power is conscious so there is a lot of subconscious programming that you are working through. Your so-called issues and programmed responses got implemented decades ago so it may take some time before you totally shift something.  So if you find yourself slipping into old habits, reactions, behaviors or choices that you thought were behind you, cut yourself some slack.

Growth is a process not an event. You can’t upgrade yourself like you do your iPhone.

When you perceive yourself taking steps backwards, that does not mean change is not occurring. You may take ten steps forward and then eight steps back. But the next time you will take eleven steps forward and only seven steps back.  You are making progress!! Whatever you do, just keep going. And forgive yourself! This is super duper important.  Nothing will hold you back more than judging yourself and allowing your inner critic to have its way with you.  Immediately say to yourself, “I forgive myself for judging myself for back-tracking.  I’m doing the best I can.”  Then re-commit to your vision and intentions and keep going.

Keep going.

Keep going.

Source: Ever feel like you are backtracking? | Christine Hassler

Here are some of the points she makes I think are worthy of review…

“It’s not a straight shot from an “aha” moment to being totally transformed.”

“Only about 95% of our processing power is conscious so there is a lot of subconscious programming that you are working through”; this is why we say in Celebrate Recovery that we don’t claim perfection, only progress…

“Growth is a process not an event. You can’t upgrade yourself like you do your iPhone.” As a tech guy, there have been many times I have wished I could upgrade myself like hardware. If only I could reformat my brain and delete all the old Beatles‘ lyrics! I’d have so much more room! I do think, however, you CAN upgrade your thinking. There is an old computer programming acronym GIGO; Garbage In, Garbage Out. It applies to thinking and food as well…

And finally, this bears repeating…

“Nothing will hold you back more than judging yourself and allowing your inner critic to have its way with you.  Immediately say to yourself, “I forgive myself for judging myself for back-tracking.  I’m doing the best I can.”  Then re-commit to your vision and intentions and keep going.”

And perhaps the most important lesson of all? Go easy on yourself and practice ‘self-forgiveness’…

2

Remain in Jesus

Stained glass at St John the Baptist's Anglica...

The most famous verse in the whole Bible is probably John 3:16, which says,

“For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

You’ve undoubtably seen it on signs at sporting events, written on t-shirts, posted on billboards and even on drink cups at some fast food restaurants. And for good reason, it’s an amazing verse! Here’s Jesus telling us about why He came, who sent Him, and what happens for those who put their faith in Him. It’s a great snapshot of the Gospel message. If you’ve never begun the habit of memorizing Scripture, start with this one.

While John 3:16 is an amazing verse, John 3:17 is just as compelling. Jesus continues by telling us,

“For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through Him.”

That’s a reassuring statement! Look at the two verses together; first, God loves us enough to send us a Savior, next, if we put our faith in Jesus, if we trust Him as our Lord and Savior, we will have eternal life, and Jesus wasn’t sent to condemn the world as some would have us believe, but to save the world.

That’s where the power for a changed life comes from, from the Savior of the world. Jesus gives us the power for a new life, for a life of freedom from our hurts, hang-ups and habits, but we have to bring them to Him and trust Him to heal us. As we go through Celebrate Recovery we need to ensure that Jesus is the center of our program. We can not do this on our own power. To find change, lasting change, we need to depend wholly on Jesus.

Today, ask yourself, have you been relying on Jesus’ power or your own? If you’ve been relying on Christ’s power, keep it up. Don’t get distracted, don’t stray from the path. But if you find that you’ve begun to rely on anything other than Jesus, a relationship, willpower, a new habit, anything, don’t wait to refocus your attention to Jesus. We all have the tendency to take our eyes off of Jesus, but when we realize we’ve done that, we need to turn to Him in prayer and ask Him for His help to remain focused on and in Him.

Later in the Book of John, Jesus tells us:

“I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5

Jesus isn’t a part of recovery, He is recovery. If we want to live a new life, a life free from hurts, hang-ups and habits, we must remain in Jesus. It is only by and through Jesus that you and I can have new lives here on earth, and eternal life in heaven.

Today, what can you do to make sure that you remain in Jesus?

If you find that you have begun to focus on anything else, are you ready to make today the day you focus on Jesus as your Lord and Savior, as your Higher Power?

Don’t put it off any longer. Remember, Jesus didn’t come to condemn us, but to save us.” via Remain in Jesus.

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Powerlessness & Unmanageability

Melody Beattie writes:

Willpower is not the key to the way of life we are seeking. Surrender is.

“I have spent much of my life trying to make people be, do, or feel something they aren’t, don’t want to do, and choose not to feel. I have made them, and myself, crazy in that process,” said one recovering woman.

I spent my childhood trying to make an alcoholic father who didn’t love himself be a normal person who loved me. I then married an alcoholic and spent a decade trying to make him stop drinking.

I have spent years trying to make emotionally unavailable people be emotionally present for me. I have spent even more years trying to make family members, who are content feeling miserable, happy.

What I’m saying is this: I’ve spent much of my life desperately and vainly trying to do the impossible and feeling like a failure when I couldn’t. It’s been like planting corn and trying to make the seeds grow peas. Won’t work!

By surrendering to powerlessness, I gain the presence of mind to stop wasting my time and energy trying to change and control that which I cannot change and control. It gives me permission to stop trying to do the impossible and focus on what is possible: being who I am, loving myself, feeling what I feel, and doing what I want to do with my life.

In recovery, we learn to stop fighting lions, simply because we cannot win. We also learn that the more we are focused on controlling and changing others, the more unmanageable our life becomes. The more we focus on living our own life, the more we have a life to live, and the more manageable our life will become.

Today, I will accept powerlessness where I have no power to change things, and I’ll allow my life to become manageable.” via Daily Meditation ~ Powerlessness & Unmanageability – Miracles In Progress Codependents Anonymous Group.

Today, I am thinking about how to apply this to my in-laws…

My mother in law will never love me like a son and my sibling in laws will never treat me like a brother. Three years ago during the ‘summer of forgiveness’, I made amends and was forgiven and yet I remain in their ‘penalty box‘. I refuse to let myself in an close the lid on top of me. I refuse to play a role in their drama. If I’m not going to get what I need it’s not worth the work…

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1

The Gift of Readiness

Melody Beattie writes:

“Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” Step Six of Al-Anon.

We progress to the Sixth Step by working diligently, to the best of our ability, on the first Five Steps. This work readies us for a change of heart, openness to becoming changed by a Power greater than ourselves – God.

The path to this willingness can be long and hard. Many of us have to struggle with a behavior or feeling before we become ready to let it go. We need to see, over and over again, that the coping device that once protected us is no longer useful.

The defects of character referred to in Step Six are old survival behaviors that once helped us cope with people, life, and ourselves. But now they are getting in our way, and it is time to be willing to have them removed.

Trust in this time. Trust that you are being readied to let go of that which is no longer useful. Trust that a change of heart is being worked out in you.

God, help me become ready to let go of my defects of character. Help me know, in my mind and soul, that I am ready to let go of my self defeating behaviors, the blocks and barriers to my life.” via 6/6 Language of Letting Go – SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information.

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Attack shame!

Melody Beattie writes:

“Shame can hold us back, hold us down, and keep us staring at our feet.” Beyond Codependency

Watch out for shame.

Many systems and people reek of shame.  They are controlled by shame and may want us to play their game with them.  They may be hoping to hook us and control us through shame.

We dont have to fall into their shame.  Instead, we’ll take the good feelings self, acceptance, love, and nurturing.

Compulsive behaviors, sexually addictive behaviors, overeating, chemical abuse, and addictive gambling are shame-based behaviors.  If we participate in them, we will feel ashamed.  Its inevitable.  We need to watch out for addictive and other compulsive behaviors because those will immerse us in shame.

Our past, and the brainwashing we may have had that imposed original shame upon us, may try to put shame on us.  This can happen when were all alone, walking through the grocery store or just quietly going about living our life.  Dont think.  Dont feel.  Dont grow or change.  Dont be alive.  Dont live life.  Be ashamed!

Be done with shame.  Attack shame.  Go to war with it.  Learn to recognize it and avoid it like the plague.

Today, I will deliberately refuse to get caught up in the shame floating around in the world.  If I cannot resist it, I will feel it, accept it, then be done with it as quickly as possible.  God, help me know that its OK to love myself and help me refuse to submit to shame.  If I get off course, help me learn to change shame into guilt, correct the behavior, and move forward with my life in immediate self-love.” via Adult Children Anonymous.

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2

Honesty

Melody Beattie writes:

“Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” Step Five of Al Anon

Talking openly and honestly to another person about our­selves, in an attitude that reflects self-responsibility, is critical to recovery.

It’s important to admit what we have done wrong to others and to ourselves. Verbalize our beliefs and our behaviors. Get our resentments and fears out in the open.

That’s how we release our pain. That’s how we release old beliefs and feelings. That’s how we are set free. The more clear and specific we can be with our Higher Power, our­selves, and another person, the more quickly we will experience that freedom.

Step Five is an important part of the recovery process. For those of us who have learned to keep secrets from ourselves and others, it is not just a step — it is a leap toward becom­ing healthy.

Today I will remember that it’s okay to talk about the issues that bother me. It is by sharing my issues that I will grow beyond them. I will also remember that it’s okay to be selective about those in whom I confide. I can trust my instincts and choose someone who will not use my disclosures against me, and who will give me healthy feedback.” via June 5: Honesty.

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For the Next 24 Hours…

Melody Beattie writes:

For the next twenty-four hours…

In recovery, we live life one day at a time, an idea requiring an enormous amount of faith. We refuse to look back—unless healing from the past is part of today’s work. We look ahead only to make plans. We focus on this day’s activity, living it to the best of our ability. If we do that long enough, we’ll have enough connected days of healthy living to make something valuable of our life.

…I pray for knowledge of Your will for me only,…

We surrender to God’s will. We stop trying to control, and we settle for a life that is manageable. We trust our Higher Power’s will for us—that it’s good, generous, and with direction. We’re learning, through trial and error, to separate our will from God’s will. We’re learning that God’s will is not offensive. We’ve learned that sometimes there’s a difference between what others want us to do and God’s will. We’re also learning that God did not intend for us to be codependent, to be martyrs, to control or caretake. We’re learning to trust ourselves.

…and the power to carry that through.

Some of recovery is accepting powerlessness. An important part of recovery is claiming the power to take care of ourselves. Sometimes, we need to do things that are frightening or painful. Sometimes, we need to step out, step back, or step forward. We need to call on the help of a Power greater than ourselves to do that. We will never be called upon to do anything that we won’t be empowered to do.

Today, I can call upon an energizing Power Source to help me. That Power is God. I will ask for what I need.

Beattie, Melody (2009-12-15). The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) (pp. 122-123). Hazelden. Kindle Edition.

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0

Perfection

Melody Beattie writes:

Many of us picked on ourselves unmercifully before recov­ery. We may also have a tendency to pick on ourselves after we begin recovery.

“If I was really recovering, I wouldn’t be doing that again…:’ “I should be further along than I am:’ These are statements that we indulge in when were feeling shame. We don’t need to treat ourselves that way. There is no benefit.

Remember, shame blocks us. But self-love and acceptance enable us to grow and change. If we truly have done some­thing we feel guilty about, we can correct it with an amend and an attitude of self-acceptance and love.

Even if we slip back to our old, codependent ways of think­ing, feeling, and behaving, we do not need to be ashamed. We all regress from time to time. That’s how we learn and grow. Relapse, or recycling, is an important and necessary part of recovery. And the way out of recycling is not by sham­ing ourselves. That leads us deeper into codependency.

Much pain comes from trying to be perfect. Perfection is impossible unless we think of it in a new way: Perfection is being who and where we are today; it’s accepting and lov­ing ourselves just as we are. We are each right where we need to be in our recovery.

Today, I will love and accept myself for who I am and where I am in my recovery process. I am right where I need to be to get to where I’m going tomorrow.” via June 2: Perfection | Language of Letting Go.

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Just in case you missed this for 5/30/2012

  1. Todd’s tweets…

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    Wed, May 30 2012 08:20:05

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    Wed, May 30 2012 06:40:03

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    “If You’re Happy and You Know It: 6 Ways to Grow Your Child’s Emotional Literacy” http://bit.ly/KbWsWy

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    Wed, May 30 2012 06:34:04

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    5 Life Lessons from Solitaire http://bit.ly/LGYYST

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    8 Life Lessons From Yoga Workshop http://bit.ly/KbVt90 @jackiedumaine

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    Wed, May 30 2012 06:25:16

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    #014: Building Your Platform, Part 2 [Podcast] http://bit.ly/LFMjeX

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    Wed, May 30 2012 06:20:02

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    If you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree… http://bit.ly/JT6Bkz

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    Tue, May 29 2012 20:40:03

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    Tue, May 29 2012 19:50:08

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    Donald Driver Set To Restructure Deal, Re-Join Packers http://bit.ly/KatExD

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0

Let go and let God

Melody Beattie writes:

A friend was experiencing some financial difficulties. He was getting to the point of despair. “I don’t know what to do,” he said.

“Why don’t you ask God?” I said.

“I couldn’t do that. I’ve already asked God too many times to bail me out.”

“I don’t mean ask God to bail you out,” I said. “Ask God to show you what to do.”

“I never thought of that,” he said.

We all have access to the greatest resource in the world. We don’t have to sign up, register, or pay dues. Wherever we are, whatever we’re facing, all we need to do is ask our Higher Power what to do next. Why is it that the simplest things in life can be the hardest things to do?

Application: Got financial problems? Relationship problems? Facing a quandary in life? Stepping into the vast wilderness called the unknown? If we’ve run out of our own answers, it is time to ask for guidance. Or better yet, we can ask for guidance before running out of our own resources. Asking for guidance—for knowledge of God’s Will for us and the power to carry that out—is a good thing to do as needed and each day.” via May 30.

1

Affirm Yourself…

Cover of "The Language of Letting Go (Haz...

Melody Beattie writes:

Who or what do you want to become? A good parent? A sober, recovering person? A good girlfriend, boyfriend, or spouse? Do you want to become happy, peaceful, tolerant? Don’t wait until you’re successful to tell yourself you’re that. Start now by saying you are what you want to become instead of reinforcing the words I’m not. Yes, you have much to learn. Yes, there’s a ways to go on that path. And you may not be proficient at it, or an expert, yet. But you don’t have to be to say those two little words I am.

Help create the new part of your personality by using and affirming those powerful words I am. Then watch as a new part of yourself emerges.

God, help me use my creative powers to create a better, more fulfill­ing life. Help me use the words I am to create who you and I want me to be…

via April 23: Affirm Yourself | Language of Letting Go.

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Are You Making Someone Else Your Higher Power?

Mastin Kipp writes:

A definition of interdependence is: “a reciprocal relation between interdependent entities.”

The key word here is: “reciprocal”. Interdependence can be thought of as a relationship where each party gives and receives from his or her own internal overflow. This is TOTALLY different than “codependence” which can be thought of as being “addicted to someone”.

Another way to look at it, spiritually, is this:

A codependent person makes someone else his or her Higher Power. An interdependent person knows that The Uni-verse is their Higher Power and keeps their focus on that, while choosing to be in a relationship with someone else who is also looking to The Uni-verse to fulfill them.” Get more here: Are You Making Someone Else Your Higher Power?.

If any of this gives you pause to think, you might want to take a look at Melody Beattie‘s book Codependent No More — it’s full of pratical thoughts, tools and tactics for taking codependency head on. You can download a free sample here. I first became aware of this issue in my life about a year ago but this book, the accompanying workbook and her meditation book “Language of Letting Go” have been helpful to me in overcoming codependency and having better relationships…

6

On being connected…

LOL. ‘Make me one with everything’…

What did the Buddhist monk say to the hot-dog vendor? Can you make me one with everything?

I was buckling my seat belt in the little Cessna one day, get­ting ready for flight training, when my instructor Rob turned to me.

“I just take a second when I strap myself in and tell myself I’m becoming one with the plane as I do,” Rob said. “It really helped me in the beginning when I was nervous and felt so separate from the airplane.”

What a great idea, I thought. That day turned into one of my most comfortable flying sessions. It reminded me of a lesson I had learned a while back.

For most of my life, I felt disconnected from things: from myself, from other people, from life. That feeling of separate­ness haunted me. It explains why I tried so desperately to attach myself codependently to people, places, and things.

Over the years, I began to see that my separateness was an illusion. The same energy, the same life force, that runs through all the universe runs through you and me, too.

We’re connected, whether we know it or not.

Nobody has to make you one with everything. You already are.

Let go of your illusion of separateness.

Connect yourself.

God, help me know my oneness with the world. Help me know how connected I really am so I don’t have to connect in ways that don’t work.

via April 15: Connect Yourself | Language of Letting Go.

Something else I like about Melody Beattie — she’s a pilot, or at least a student pilot…

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Just in case you missed this for 5/29/2012

  1. “I really, deeply believe that dreams do come true. Often, they might not come when you want them. They come in their own time.”

    – Diana Ross

    Today’s Quotes: BEYOND The Dark Night!

    Tue, May 29 2012 06:52:39

  2. Inspirational poster

    toddlohenry

    Thu, Dec 03 2009 19:00:00

  3. Todd’s tweets…

  4. toddlohenry
    Be the Hero of Your Own Life http://bit.ly/JLiR8E

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    Tue, May 29 2012 08:10:06

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    3 Steps for Riding the Waves of Anger http://bit.ly/JLiQkU

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    Tue, May 29 2012 08:00:16

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    May 29 http://bit.ly/JLiOtm

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    Tue, May 29 2012 07:50:02

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    Are You Letting Yourself Be Drained By An Emotional Vampire? http://bit.ly/JLiOd4

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    Tue, May 29 2012 07:40:02

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    Your Dreams Are Making You Smarter http://bit.ly/JKr1CK

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    Tue, May 29 2012 07:30:03

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    Are You Using Coffee As A Crutch For Happiness? http://bit.ly/JLiMBS

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 07:20:01

  10. toddlohenry
    How to Say No When You Feel Pressured to Say Yes http://bit.ly/JKr15O

    Todd Lohenry

    Tue, May 29 2012 07:10:09

  11. toddlohenry
    Supergirl Photo Op http://chzb.gr/MTSrWs

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 20:30:03

  12. toddlohenry
    Ocean Inspired: Bringing the Beach Inside http://bit.ly/JQHY89

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 20:20:02

  13. toddlohenry
    Does Optimism Make You Live Longer? http://huff.to/LBn0eb

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 20:10:06

  14. toddlohenry
    Quote of the Day; Memorial Day http://bit.ly/KRdi6C

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 20:00:34

  15. toddlohenry
    San Francisco throws a party for Golden Gate Bridge’s 75th birthday http://bit.ly/Klql51

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 19:50:05

  16. toddlohenry
    Dear Monday… http://bit.ly/KRdeE0

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 19:40:02

  17. toddlohenry
    12 “song of the summer” contenders http://bit.ly/L8WFoT

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 19:30:17

  18. toddlohenry
    San Francisco throws a party for Golden Gate Bridge’s 75th birthday http://bit.ly/KlpTUq

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 19:20:05

  19. toddlohenry
    Best review of Twilight ever written… http://bit.ly/JxjVjS

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 19:10:05

  20. toddlohenry
    The truth about common sense… http://bit.ly/KRbgmQ

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 19:00:05

  21. toddlohenry
    Axl Rose releases a new single… http://bit.ly/JxjV3d

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 18:50:03

  22. toddlohenry
    Review: Will Brain Trainer iPhone App Make You Smarter? http://bit.ly/KRbgTS

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 18:40:03

  23. toddlohenry
    The Commoditization of Expertise and Why You Should Never Trust a Guru http://bit.ly/JxjSnY

    Todd Lohenry

    Mon, May 28 2012 18:30:22

  24. a picture for you

    toddlohenry

    Mon, Sep 20 2010 20:00:00

1

Letting Go of Self Doubt

Melody Beattie writes:

A married woman who had recently joined Al-Anon called me one afternoon. She worked part-time as a registered nurse, had assumed all the responsibilities for raising her two children, and did all the household chores, including repairs and finances. “I want to separate from my husband,” she sobbed. “I can’t stand him or his abuse any longer. But tell me, please tell me,” she said, “do you think I can take care of myself?” Codependent No More

Not only is it okay to take care of ourselves, we can take good care of ourselves.

Many of us, so confident about our ability to take care of others, doubt our inherent strength to care for ourselves. We may have come to believe, from our past or present circumstances, that we need to take care of others and we need others to take care of us. This is the ultimate codependent belief.

No matter where this self-defeating belief was born, we can release it and replace it with a better one, a healthier one, a more accurate one.

We can take care of ourselves — whether we are in or out of a relationship. Everything we need will be provided. We will have loved ones, friends, and our Higher Power to help.

Knowing that we can take care of ourselves doesn’t mean we won’t have feelings of fear, discomfort, doubt, anger, and fragility at times. It means we practice “courageous vulnerability,” as Colette Dowling called it in Cinderella Complex. We may feel scared, but we do it anyway.

Today, God, help me know how I can take care of myself.” via Daily Meditation ~ Letting Go of Self Doubt – Miracles In Progress Codependents Anonymous Group.

5

Choices

Melody Beattie says:

“We have choices, more choices than we let ourselves see. We may feel trapped in our relationships, our jobs, our life. We may feel locked into behaviors — such as caretaking or controlling. Feeling trapped is a symptom of codependency.

When we hear ourselves say, “I have to take care of this person…”, “I have to say yes….” ,”I have to try to control that person…”, “I have to behave this way, think this way, feel this way…” we can know we are choosing not to see choices.

That sense of being trapped is an illusion. We are not controlled by circumstances, our past, the expectations of others or our unhealthy expectations for ourselves. We can choose what feels right for us, without guilt. We have options.

Recovery is not about behaving perfectly or according to anyone else’s rules. More than anything else; recovery is about knowing we have choices and giving ourselves the freedom to choose.” via Inspiration.

Related articles
2

Just in case you missed it for 5/27/12

  1. Todd’s tweets…

  2. toddlohenry
    Tourists flocking to Fond du Lac area http://bit.ly/JFQRrM

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 10:20:02

  3. toddlohenry
    Choreplay http://fb.me/CodWavQF

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 10:15:55

  4. toddlohenry
    The TRUE Power of Influence and Emotional Impact http://bit.ly/JEYHNC

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 10:10:07

  5. toddlohenry
    DNR offers tips to stay healthy while having fun at the beach http://1.usa.gov/JEYGZR

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 10:00:31

  6. toddlohenry
    High court upholds record Lemon Law award http://bit.ly/JEYGt4

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 09:50:04

  7. toddlohenry
    Driver brings home the gold on “DWTS” http://bit.ly/JFQNbw

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 09:40:03

  8. toddlohenry
    Some of Your Worst Days Lie Ahead http://bit.ly/KSCEmQ

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 09:30:03

  9. toddlohenry
    Remember when life’s path is steep to keep your mind even…. http://bit.ly/JYULv3

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 09:20:04

  10. toddlohenry
    10 Things Your Dog Would Tell You http://bit.ly/KtTitG

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 09:10:04

  11. toddlohenry
    50 Inspiring Children’s Books with a Positive Message http://bit.ly/K3LQJg

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 09:00:35

  12. toddlohenry
    “Remember when life’s path is steep to keep your mind even.” http://bit.ly/KtTjOa

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 08:50:05

  13. toddlohenry
    Recognizing choices http://bit.ly/LqIXAt

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 08:40:02

  14. toddlohenry
    4 Tips for when You’re Having One of Those “Why Me?!” Moments http://bit.ly/LzkXY0

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 08:30:14

  15. toddlohenry
    Missed your work out yesterday? (this week? this month?) Forgetaboutit… http://bit.ly/LqIE8F

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 08:20:03

  16. toddlohenry
    Cooking At Home Helps You Live Longer http://bit.ly/LzkV24

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 08:10:04

  17. toddlohenry
    Massage, anyone? http://bit.ly/KchvX5

    Todd Lohenry

    Sun, May 27 2012 05:30:03

  18. toddlohenry
    Summer fun in Wisconsin http://bit.ly/K2qlIN

    Todd Lohenry

    Sat, May 26 2012 18:10:07

  19. toddlohenry
    I’m at Krohn’s Lake (Algoma, WI) http://4sq.com/L3us2N

    Todd Lohenry

    Sat, May 26 2012 17:41:47

  20. toddlohenry
    Mother and baby are doing great… http://bit.ly/JMbZ9b

    Todd Lohenry

    Sat, May 26 2012 17:20:03

  21. toddlohenry
    Mother and baby are doing great… (Taken with instagram) http://bit.ly/K2liZ1

    Todd Lohenry

    Sat, May 26 2012 17:14:39

0

We have choices


Melody Beattie says:

“We have choices, more choices than we let ourselves see.

We may feel trapped in our relationships, our jobs, our life. We may feel locked into behaviors such as caretaking or controlling.

Feeling trapped is a symptom of codependency. When we hear ourselves say, I have to take care of this person . . . I have to say yes . . . I have to try to control that person . . . I have to behave this way, think this way, feel this way . . . we can know we are choosing not to see choices.

That sense of being trapped is an illusion. We are not controlled by circumstances, our past, the expectations of others, or our unhealthy expectations for ourselves. We can choose what feels right for us, without guilt. We have options.

Recovery is not about behaving perfectly or according to anyone else’s rules. More than anything else, recovery is about knowing we have choices and giving ourselves the freedom to choose.

Today, I will open my thinking and myself to the choices available to me. I will make choices that are good for me.” via Adult Children Anonymous.

Related articles
2

Discovering intimacy

Intimacy is that warm gift of feeling connected to others and enjoying our connection to them.

As we grow in recovery, we find that gift in many, sometimes surprising, places. We may discover we’ve developed intimate relationships with people at work, with friends, with people in our support groups – sometimes with family members. Many of us are discovering intimacy in a special love relationship.

Intimacy is not sex, although sex can be intimate. Intimacy means mutually honest, warm, caring, safe relationships – relationships where the other person can be who he or she is and we can be who we are – and both people are valued.

Sometimes there are conflicts. Conflict is inevitable. Sometimes there are troublesome feelings to work through. Sometimes the boundaries or parameters of relationships change. But there is a bond – one of love and trust.

There are many blocks to intimacy and intimate relationships. Addictions and abuse block intimacy. Unresolved family of origin issues prevents intimacy. Controlling blocks intimacy. Off balance relationships, where there is too great a discrepancy in power, prevent intimacy. Caretaking can block intimacy. Nagging, withdrawing, and shutting down can hurt intimacy. So can a simple behavior like gossip — for example, gossiping about another for motives of diminishing him or her in order to build up ourselves or to judge the person. To discuss another person’s issues, shortcomings, or failures with someone else will have a predictable negative impact on the relationship.

We deserve to enjoy intimacy in as many of our relationships as possible. We deserve relationships that have not been sabotaged. That does not mean we walk around with our heads in the clouds; it means we strive to keep our motives clean when it comes to discussing other people.

If we have a serious issue with someone, the best way to resolve it is to bring the issue to that person.

Direct, clean conversation clears the air and paves the way for intimacy, for good feelings about ourselves and our relationships with others.

Today, God, help me let go of my fear of intimacy. Help me strive to keep my communications with others clean and free from malicious gossip. Help me work toward intimacy in my relationships. Help me deal as directly as possible with my feelings.

via Adult Children Anonymous.

0

Just in case you missed this for 5/25/2012

  1. On this day in 1977, Memorial Day weekend opens with an intergalactic bang as the first of George Lucas’ blockbuster Star Wars movies hits American theaters.

    The incredible success of Star Wars–it received seven Oscars, and earned $461 million in U.S. ticket sales and a gross of close to $800 million worldwide–began with an extensive, coordinated marketing push by Lucas and his studio, 20th Century Fox, months before the movie’s release date. “It wasn’t like a movie opening,” actress Carrie Fisher, who played rebel leader Princess Leia, later told Time magazine. “It was like an earthquake.” Beginning with–in Fisher’s words–“a new order of geeks, enthusiastic young people with sleeping bags,” the anticipation of a revolutionary movie-watching experience spread like wildfire, causing long lines in front of movie theaters across the country and around the world.

    With its groundbreaking special effects, Star Wars leaped off screens and immersed audiences in “a galaxy far, far away.” By now everyone knows the story, which followed the baby-faced Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill) as he enlisted a team of allies–including hunky Han Solo (Harrison Ford) and the robots C3PO and R2D2–on his mission to rescue the kidnapped Princess Leia from an Evil Empire governed by Darth Vader. The film made all three of its lead actors overnight stars, turning Fisher into an object of adoration for millions of young male fans and launching Ford’s now-legendary career as an action-hero heartthrob.

    Star Wars opens — History.com This Da…

    Fri, May 25 2012 06:10:29

  2. With George Washington presiding, the Constitutional Convention formally convenes on this day in 1787. The convention faced a daunting task: the peaceful overthrow of the new American government as it had been defined by the Article of Confederation.

    The process began with the proposal of James Madison’s Virginia Plan. Madison had dedicated the winter of 1787 to the study of confederacies throughout history and arrived in Philadelphia with a wealth of knowledge and an idea for a new American government. Virginia’s governor, Edmund Randolph, presented Madison’s plan to the convention. It featured a bicameral legislature, with representation in both houses apportioned to states based upon population; this was seen immediately as giving more power to large states, like Virginia. The two houses would in turn elect the executive and the judiciary and would possess veto power over the state legislatures. Madison’s conception strongly resembled Britain’s parliament. It omitted any discussion of taxation or regulation of trade, however; these items had been set aside in favor of outlining a new form of government altogether.

    William Patterson soon countered with a plan more attractive to the new nation’s smaller states. It too bore the imprint of America’s British experience. Under the New Jersey Plan, as it became known, each state would have a single vote in Congress as it had been under the Articles of Confederation, to even out power between large and small states. But, the plan also gave Congress new powers: the collection of import duties and a stamp tax, the regulation of trade and the enforcement of requisitions upon the states with military force.

    Constitutional Convention convenes in…

    Fri, May 25 2012 05:40:25

  3. Tempesttours

    Thu, May 24 2012 13:30:48

  4. Tornado West of Amarillo 5-22-2012.wmv

    u6cYlu7eLr-CpD1QRRr4OA

    Wed, May 23 2012 10:24:23

  5. Noaa

    Thu, May 24 2012 09:45:33

  6. Tornadic Supercell — Adrian Texas — May 21, 2012

    reidstormvid

    Wed, May 23 2012 00:10:43

  7. creativedreadhead: from my Language of Letting Go (by melody beattie) card deck
    toddlohenry

    Thu, May 24 2012 18:02:56

  8. “If you believe in yourself and have the courage, the determination, the dedication, the competitive drive and if you are willing to sacrifice the little things in life and pay the price for the things that are worthwhile, it can be done.“

    – Vince Lombardi

    Today’s Quotes: Your Vision Is Strong…

    Fri, May 25 2012 06:35:15

  9. “Men often become what they believe themselves to be. If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it. But when I believe I can, then I acquire the ability to do it even if I didn’t have it in the beginning.”

    – Mahatma Gandhi

    Today’s Quotes: Your Vision Is Strong…

    Fri, May 25 2012 06:35:15

  10. “Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside of them was superior to circumstances.”

    – Bruce Barton

    Today’s Quotes: Your Vision Is Strong…

    Thu, May 24 2012 18:02:56

  11. Todd’s tweets…

  12. toddlohenry
    Tempesttours’s image http://fb.me/OU162pb7

    Todd Lohenry

    Fri, May 25 2012 07:52:04

  13. toddlohenry
    Expectations and being ‘right’ http://fb.me/1B2e5PAqD

    Todd Lohenry

    Fri, May 25 2012 07:50:19

  14. toddlohenry
    Sleep Better: Separate Covers for Blanket-Hog Partners #30DaysofGOOD http://bit.ly/KKtN6w

    Todd Lohenry

    Fri, May 25 2012 07:50:02

  15. toddlohenry
    Chill… A Delay Is Not A Denial, OK? :o) http://bit.ly/JPvaEP

    Todd Lohenry

    Fri, May 25 2012 07:40:06

  16. toddlohenry
    Should Your Workplace Ban Facebook? http://bit.ly/KKtKI3

    Todd Lohenry

    Fri, May 25 2012 07:30:23

  17. toddlohenry
    Which nations consume the most water? http://bit.ly/JPvd3g

    Todd Lohenry

    Fri, May 25 2012 07:20:02

  18. toddlohenry
    On the Road to Surrender http://bit.ly/JPv8wz

    Todd Lohenry

    Fri, May 25 2012 07:10:11

  19. toddlohenry
    It happens for a reason… http://fb.me/1EYcoyHyt

    Todd Lohenry

    Fri, May 25 2012 07:09:00

  20. toddlohenry
    ♫ Various Artists – Bach: For Relaxation And Meditation http://spoti.fi/JPzbJi #Spotify

    Todd Lohenry

    Fri, May 25 2012 07:07:13

  21. toddlohenry
    Channel Surfing http://bit.ly/KKtFnG

    Todd Lohenry

    Fri, May 25 2012 07:00:10

  22. toddlohenry
    The Garden Provides More Than Food http://bit.ly/JPv14c

    Todd Lohenry

    Fri, May 25 2012 06:50:09

  23. toddlohenry
    creativedreadhead:

    from my Language of Letting Go (by melody… http://bit.ly/Jxr2VZ

    Todd Lohenry

    Fri, May 25 2012 06:29:26

  24. toddlohenry
    BBC http://bit.ly/LuecGJ

    Todd Lohenry

    Fri, May 25 2012 06:10:10

  25. toddlohenry
    8 Ways to Feel Good at the End of the Work Day http://bit.ly/Lxpwp8

    Todd Lohenry

    Fri, May 25 2012 06:00:35

  26. toddlohenry
    Meta Widget Turns Nearly Any Web Page Into a Widget on Android [Video] http://bit.ly/JwTUgW

    Todd Lohenry

    Fri, May 25 2012 05:50:08

  27. toddlohenry
    The Instagram-ish Facebook Camera App http://bit.ly/JwTVBN

    Todd Lohenry

    Fri, May 25 2012 05:40:03

  28. toddlohenry
    Quiet Your Mind and Just Play http://bit.ly/JXo69M

    Todd Lohenry

    Fri, May 25 2012 05:30:09

  29. toddlohenry
    Put Your Pants On Without Your Underwear Bunching Up http://bit.ly/K2JjNM

    Todd Lohenry

    Fri, May 25 2012 02:17:07

  30. toddlohenry
    Sitting her nest… http://bit.ly/JWJn3t

    Todd Lohenry

    Thu, May 24 2012 21:30:06

  31. toddlohenry
    Sitting her nest… (Taken with instagram) http://bit.ly/Mx6miw

    Todd Lohenry

    Thu, May 24 2012 21:22:25

0

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