Category: Wisdom

Healthy choices

Português: Poeta latino Ovídio.

Just in case you missed this…

The cause is hidden, but the result is known. Ovid

We know it’s coming before we do it. Our boy[girl]friend dumps us and we devour the ice cream.

We don’t get the promotion so we head for the bar. We have a fight with our spouse and treat ourselves to a new leather jacket – at his or her expense. We decide that because we’re feeling bad anyway, we might as well take full advantage of it. We figure the worse we feel, the more entitled we are to the indulgence.

This type of behavior starts a cycle. The worse we feel, the more we want to self-destruct. Let’s face it – our actions are usually premeditated.

We think about the ice cream, the drink, or the leather jacket until we can get to it. During the planning stage, we can shift gears. We think it through. We know we have a choice. We decide to do something healthy instead of destructive.

Today I will make only healthy choices for myself.

Source: March 28, 2012 – Today’s Gift from Hazelden « cmmacneil

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Solitude: the benefits it brings

Solitude

Are you lonely or alone? Consider this…

“In a study of fifth through ninth graders, Reed Larson found that over time, the older children choose to spend more time alone. What’s more, their emotional experience was improved after they had spent some time on their own. Those adolescents who spent an intermediate amount of time alone – not too much, not too little – seemed to be doing the best psychologically.

The psychologists who really do get it about the sweetness of solitude are the ones I mentioned in my last post – Christopher Long and James Averill. The title of their key theoretical article is “Solitude: An exploration of the benefits of being alone.” No apology. No befuddlement that humans might actually benefit from their time alone.

Here’s how they characterize solitude:

“The paradigm experience of solitude is a state characterized by disengagement from the immediate demands of other people – a state of reduced social inhibition and increased freedom to select one’s mental and physical activities.”

Many readers made similar observations in the comments they posted to Part 1. Although there can be benefits to spending time with others, there can also be rewards to “disengagement from the immediate demands of other people.””

Source: The Benefits It Brings | Psychology Today.

Go to the source if you’d like to read the rest of the article. Me? This reminds me of the old adage about snow. If it comes to me, it’s work. If I go to it, it’s play. Same with being by yourself. If I choose it, it’s solitude. If I feel I have no choice, I’m lonely. What do you think?

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Is happiness the secret of success?

An emoticon with a smile. For more emoticons i...

Some people think if you are happy, you are blind to reality. But when we research it, happiness actually raises every single business and educational outcome for the brain. How did we miss this? Why do we have these societal misconceptions about happiness? Because we assumed you were average.

When we study people, scientists are often interested in what the average is. If we study what is merely average, we will remain merely average.

Many people think happiness is genetic. That’s only half the story, because the average person does not fight their genes. When we stop studying the average and begin researching positive outliers — people who are above average for a positive dimension like optimism or intelligence — a wildly different picture emerges. Our daily decisions and habits have a huge impact upon both our levels of happiness and success.

via Is happiness the secret of success? – CNN.com.

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Control

Cover of "The Language of Letting Go (Haz...

Melody Beattie shares…

Many of us have been trying to keep the whole world in orbit with sheer and forceful application of mental energy.

What happens if we let go, if we stop trying to keep the world orbiting and just let it whirl? It’ll keep right on whirling. It’ll stay right on track with no help from us. And we’ll be free and relaxed enough to enjoy our place on it.

Control is an illusion, especially the kind of control we’ve been trying to exert. In fact, controlling gives other people, events, and diseases, such as alcoholism, control over us. Whatever we try to control does have control over us and our life.

I have given this control to many things and people in my life. I have never gotten the results I wanted from controll­ing or trying to control people. What I received for my ef­forts is an unmanageable life, whether that unmanageability was inside me or in external events.

In recovery, we make a trade-off. We trade a life that we have tried to control, and we receive in return something better — a life that is manageable.

Today, I will exchange a controlled life for one that is manageable.

Source: March 26: Control | Language of Letting Go

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This Moment is a Chance to Be Free

Paraglider over Stanage Edge As free as a bird.

Every once in awhile, even Shirley Maclaine is right…

Dwelling on the negative simply contributes to its power.” ~Shirley Maclaine

Have you ever felt like you were drowning in negativity?

Maybe you were feeling down on yourself, but instead of pulling yourself up, you made yourself feel bad for struggling with yourself in this way.

Or maybe you made a mistake, but instead of forgiving yourself, you beat yourself up over it, rehashing everything you should have done.

It’s all too easy to get stuck in a cycle of negativity. Even if we practice yoga, meditate, or start our mornings with positive affirmations, we can fall down, and find ourselves wondering why it feels so hard to get back up.

As I mentioned last week, I spent most of my life in this type of cycle, and despite the tremendous progress I’ve made over the years, I still fall into this trap sometimes.

When this happens, I might be tempted to think myself in circles—to essentially let my feelings paralyze me while I dwell on the same fears and frustrations over and over again. And then I might wonder why I feel so stuck.

The truth is we feel paralyzed when we paralyze ourselves, and we can set ourselves free if we stop obsessing about why we can’t.

Source: Tiny Wisdom: This Moment is a Chance to Be Free | Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In

Go to the source if you’d like to read the rest of Lori Deschene’s post…

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How To Escape? Understand, Really Understand The Rules of Life. Rule 6…

Richard Branson at the Virgin America OC Launch.

I found blogger Nicholas Bate through my friend David Kanigan. Are you following his ongoing series? Here’s his rule #6…

We have been seduced. Even though folk tales, our parents and pop song lyrics have warned us, we love to be seduced. But money, fast cars, sex, drugs and rock and roll do not make us happy-or certainly not beyond the instant application. But research does consistently show that the following will:
Growth and challenge. We human beings love a challenge. Because it gets us to grow. And we are meant to grow. We are not meant to stagnate: we get dulled, jaded, and unhappy. Of course what that challenge is for you,only you can find out. It might be teaching disadvantaged children, it might be becoming a gardener, or building a multi-national organisation.
Nurturing our Nature. But what ‘growth’ is doing, of course, is allowing us to nurture our nature. To take the genetic gifts we have and use them, to enjoy them. Again, no one can tell you what those are. No-don’t try and be Richard Branson-simply be the best version of you that you can be; that’s what nurturing your nature really means. And as you challenge yourself you’ll find out more about what your true nature is.
Do it with passion (or pack it in). And once you are nurturing your nature you will want to do it with passion. You’ll love it. You won’t be able to help it. And if you don’t: it’s telling you something. Pack it in as soon as you conceivably can.
Balance your compass. You know what a geographical compass is. If it is not set correctly, you’re in a mess. You’ll get lost. The same applies to your personal compass. Set it correctly and the path is yours. You’ll get there and you will enjoy the journey. Ensure you know what you want for your (1) career; what are you going to do? How are you going to earn money? (2) mind/body: are you looking after them? How? (3) finances: what state are they in? What needs action? (4) relationships: which ones need some attention? (5) fun: are you having fun-if not, what’s the point? (6) contribution: that’s the one which make us all tick, really. Where’s your contribution?

Source: How To Escape? Understand, Really Understand The Rules of Life. Rule 6 – Nicholas Bate

I like “do it with passion or pack it in”. How about you? Go to the source if you’d like to download his free ebook…

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Nine requisites for contented living

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe at age 69

Health enough to make work a pleasure.
Wealth enough to support your needs.
Strength to battle with difficulties and overcome them.
Grace enough to confess your sins and forsake them.
Patience enough to toil until some good is accomplished.
Charity enough to see some good in your neighbor.
Love enough to move you to be useful and helpful to others.
Faith enough to make real the things of God.
Hope enough to remove all the anxious fears concerning the future.
–Johann von Goethe

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Here’s How To Love Yourself and Feel Great!

I stumbled upon this gem from Bryan Reeves this morning…

Have you heard the expression, “The world is your mirror”?

I originally learned that means whatever I saw in the world/people around me only reflected something within me. More interestingly, whatever I rejected in others, in the world “outside” me, only pointed at the same quality within me.

At first, that idea pissed me off.

I despised my father’s obvious arrogance; there was no way I was arrogant like him. I despised my then-girlfriend’s shallow judgmental thoughts; I didn’t judge people like she did. In fact, I was awesome, possibly even headed for sainthood. After all, the only way I could see the judgmental and arrogant nature of others was because I was so wise and insightful, so unusually compassionate and loving (it made sense at the time).

So, saintly being that I was, I would use “the mirror” as a spiritual weapon to vanquish the unseeing. For example, at the slightest provocation by that former girlfriend, like when she made a judgment about my character, I would just smash the “mirror” over her head (metaphorically speaking). It generally went something like this:

“Say what? You think IIIIIIII am selfish, disrespectful and immature?? …. Weeeeell, what does that say about you??? … After all, I’m just your mirror!!” [SMASH!!!]

It was basically the spiritual version of “I’m rubber, you’re glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!” Obviously, I sensed wisdom in the idea but just couldn’t figure out how to make it work for anyone.

One day, a friend reacted angrily to news of a child being murdered. In discussing the “mirror” idea, he refused to accept that his angry reaction to the story meant that he also was violent and could do such a thing to a child.

I understood his objection. It seemed a solid refutation of the idea. So I went home and meditated on it.

Then it popped.

via Here’s How To Love Yourself and Feel Great!.

Go to the source if if you want to know ‘what popped’!

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Fifty ways to boost your productivity

Category:Educational research

Nicholas Bate shares his 50 ways to boost productivity…

  1. Don’t hold stuff in your head.
  2. Keep your head clear and use your head for thinking: decisive, critical, imaginative.
  3. Use paper/screen for ‘holding’ your list of what needs attention.
  4. Our greatest asset is where we place our attention.  Bear in mind we live in an exciting world where our attention is constantly ‘pulled’ to another place.
  5. To be productive is to maintain attention on what is important in the face of continuous distraction.
  6. And what needs attention is not just urgent, but what is important and thus often apparently not urgent e.g. health.
  7. Thus: ask what is important?
  8. Firstly by referencing the compass points of your life….
  9. Thus: your business/career
  10. Thus: your health
  11. Thus: your relationships
  12. Thus: your finances
  13. Capture these on you attention list.
  14. Secondly by stretching your planning horizon…
  15. Every day, ask what’s important tomorrow?
  16. Every week, ask what’s important next week?
  17. Every month, ask what’s important next month?
  18. Every quarter, ask what’s important next quarter?
  19. Every year, ask what’s important next year?
  20. Capture these to on your attention list.
  21. And finally anything which is burning and urgent; add these to your list.
  22. But the more you do 8 and 14 above…
  23. The fewer will be generated by  21.
  24. Every end-of-the-working-day review your list and decide what does need attention: create your daily list.
  25. Don’t try and do everything…

via Fifty Ways To Boost Your Productivity – Nicholas Bate.

Follow the ‘via’ link above if you’d like the remaining 25 ways. Before you go, however, I’d like to call your attention to a post and a couple of screencasts I’ve done on a tool called Evernote that I use in conjunction with a ‘philosophy’ called Getting Things Done [GTD] to help implement Nicholas’ first 6 ways…

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Fake it ’til you make it?

Photo of Barbara Grizzuti Harrison ca. 1980 fr...

Fantasies are more than substitutes for unpleasant reality; they are also dress rehearsals, plans. All acts performed in the world begin in the imagination. — Barbara Grizzuti Harrison

Our minds mold who we become. Our thoughts not only contribute to our achievements, they determine the posture of our lives. How very powerful they are. Fortunately, we have the power to think the thoughts we choose, which means our lives will unfold much as we expect.

The seeds we plant in our minds indicate the directions we’ll explore in our development. And we won’t explore areas we’ve never given attention to in our reflective moments. We must dare to dream extravagant, improbable dreams if we intend to find a new direction, and the steps necessary to it.

We will not achieve, we will not master that which goes unplanned in our dream world. We imagine first, and then we conceive the execution of a plan. Our minds prepare us for success. They can also prepare us for failure if we let our thoughts become negative.

I can succeed with my fondest hopes. But I must believe in my potential for success. I will ponder the positive today.

via March 24, 2012 – Today’s Gift from Hazelden « cmmacneil.

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On overlooking...

“The art of becoming wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.” -William James Anderson Layman’s Blog: On overlooking…

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Don’t Follow Your Passion, Follow Your Effort

Effort

The great philosopher Mark Cuban shares this…

I hear it all the time from people. “I’m passionate about it.” “I’m not going to quit, It’s my passion.” Or I hear it as advice to students and others “Follow your passion.”

What a bunch of BS. “Follow your passion” is easily the worst advice you could ever give or get.

Why? Because everyone is passionate about something. Usually more than one thing. We are born with it. There are always going to be things we love to do. That we dream about doing. That we really really want to do with our lives. Those passions aren’t worth a nickel.

Think about all the things you have been passionate about in your life. Think about all those passions that you considered making a career out of or building a company around. How many were/are there? Why did you bounce from one to another? Why were you not able to make a career or business out of any of those passions? Or if you have been able to have some success, what was the key to the success? Was it the passion or the effort you put in to your job or company?

If you really want to know where your destiny lies—look at where you apply your time.

Source: Don’t Follow Your Passion, Follow Your Effort [BLOG] « Positively Positive

Me? I think Cuban’s binary perspective that is BS. I am fond of saying it’s not either/or — it’s both/and. In this case, it’s not passion or effort — it is both harnessed and combined effectively. Go to the source if you’d like to read the rest of his perspective, but it seems to me he comes around when he says “When you are good at something, passionate, and work even harder to excel and be the best at it, good things happen.” imho, passion is the fuel that makes the effort possible; without one you don’t have the other…

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Here’s How To End Suffering Once And For All

Love On The Rocks...lol

Mastin Kipp of The Daily Love shares this…

I am not saying that painful things in your past didn’t happen, but what I am saying is that they no longer have to be painful. And it’s not as easy as changing your mind once or twice. It takes work, and reps, like in the gym. But if you try and try enough over time, new life and new meaning can emerge.

One of the best ways I know how to do this is to take ourselves out of our own story and step into the thoughts, feelings and beliefs of the person who hurt us. Not so we can make right what they did, but so we can begin to understand the painful event from their point of view.

As I have guided clients through this process, the outcomes have been amazing. Forgiveness on a whole new level of themselves and others. And of VERY traumatic events.

The point of forgiveness is not to make right what happened, but to bring a new sense of empathy and compassion to all involved – this includes you.

The best way to get back at people who have hurt us is to forgive them, because that is how we break the bond over the painful event. And from there, when we step into their shoes of how they must have been thinking and feeling, we begin to understand that their actions were not truly against us, but a request for Love or Significance in a very messed up way; that was the best way that they knew how to at that time.

Source: Here’s How To End Suffering Once And For All!

Go to the source if you’d like the rest of his perspective on the issue…

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Dykes of courage…

We must constantly build dykes of courage to hold back the flood of fear. — Martin Luther King, Jr.

via March 21, 2012 – Today’s Gift from Hazelden « cmmacneil.

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It’s Not Your Thoughts That Matter, But How You Feel About Them!

Kute Blackson shares these thoughts today…

There is so much talk these last few years about how important your thoughts are.

It’s like the latest trend to believe…

That your thoughts literally create your reality.

That you must only think positive thoughts.

Sometimes we get so scared about the slightest negative thought, that it freaks us out. We become negative about our negative thoughts.

We have over 65,000 thoughts each day, most of which are happening too fast to even keep a track of.

I have a secret for you!

It’s the SECRET secret: It’s not just what you think about that matters, but how you FEEL about what you think about that makes the real difference. Continue reading “It’s Not Your Thoughts That Matter, But How You Feel About Them!” →

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Wanna Be Right Or Be Loved?

The Law of Attraction is a law, just like gravity is a law. It’s working all the time whether you choose to be aware of it or not.  We are always drawing to us the people, places and experiences that match our state of being.

via Wanna Be Right Or Be Loved?.

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The Way of the Peaceful Parent

Father and Son

Leo Babauta shares this today…

There is no such thing as stress-free parenting.

A reader requested that I share my thoughts on stress-free parenting, as the father of six kids. And while I have learned a lot about being a dad, and finding joy in parenthood, I also know that stress-free parenting is a myth.

Parents will always have stress: we not only have to deal with tantrums and scraped knees and refusing to eat anything you cook, but we worry about potential accidents, whether we are ruining our kids, whether our children will find happiness as adults and be able to provide for themselves and find love.

That said, I’ve learned that we can find peace.

Peace isn’t a place with no stress, but a place where you take the stress as it comes, in stride, and don’t let it rule you. You let it flow through you, and then smile, and breathe, and give your child a hug.

There is a Way of the Peaceful Parent, but it isn’t one that I’ve learned completely. I’ll share what I’ve learned so far, with the caveat that I don’t always follow the Way, that I still make mistakes daily, that I still have a lot to learn, that I don’t claim to have all the answers as a parent.

Source: » The Way of the Peaceful Parent :zenhabits

Go to the source if you’d like to hear his way…

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Here’s How To Defunkify Yourself!

There are no symbols that represent skepticism...

Feeling kind of funky? Finding yourself immersed in the drama of your own life despite your desire not to be? I have a quick fix for you.  Now, I don’t believe in many quick fixes because usually they are temporary and based in escapism. However there is one quick fix that I subscribe to for de-funking because it always works AND if done over time, creates lasting positive change.

Ready for the quick fix recipe?  Here it is: Being of Service.

The best way to shift out of negative and ego based thinking is to stop thinking about yourself! The instant you shift your focus from me to we, your vibration changes. When you start thinking about how you can uplift others, you’ll soon find yourself in your heart and out of your head.

via Here’s How To Defunkify Yourself!.

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Balance

current desktop (left view)

A balanced life has harmony between a professional life and a personal life. There may be times when we need to climb mountains at work. There may be times when we put extra energy into our relationships. But the overall picture needs to balance.

Just as a balanced nutritional diet takes into account the realm of our nutritional needs to stay healthy, a balanced life takes into account all our needs: our need for friends, work, love, family, play, private time, recovery time, and spiritual time — time with God. If we get out of balance, our inner voice will tell us. We need to listen.

Today, I will examine my life to see if the scales have swung too far in any area, or not far enough in some. I will work toward achieving balance.

via March 21: Balance | Language of Letting Go.

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Don’t Dwell on It, Revision It!

Rarely is dwelling on the past seen in a positive light. Nor should it be. Thinking too much about times gone by typically keeps your mind–and life–stuck in neutral (and maybe even shifts it into reverse). If you habitually ruminate over your earlier life, you may regularly be revisited by feelings of anger, guilt, resentment, sorrow, or shame. And such emotions are hardly productive. In many ways, they’re downright toxic. Fretfully obsessing about the people and events precipitating such negative feelings can lead to endless recycling. Becoming increasingly stagnant, or fixated, your thinking really can’t progress toward any adaptive resolution.

Moreover, returning to the past to rehearse old dissatisfactions and grievances–even to replay images of earlier triumphs–and idly preoccupying yourself with irreconcilable thoughts about them, can result in self-reproach, lamentation, remorse, and even bitterness. Using your mental energy for such a doubtful purpose can catapult you into the inextricable pit of woulda, coulda, shoulda. With the result that you can end up consumed with regret–what French existentialist, Albert Camus, has referred to as the most futile of emotions.

Yet, to be fair, dwelling on the past does have certain short-term advantages. For instance, you might become preoccupied with earlier events of success by way of rationalizing present-day frustrations and failures. If you haven’t been able to live up to the hopes of others–or to your own expectations–you might find temporary comfort in reliving past accomplishments. But while focusing on past positives may afford you some relief from current disappointments, by itself it does nothing to direct (or re-direct) your efforts to further your objectives in the here-and-now. And if you’re to realize your full potential in life, you need to squarely focus on what you can do right now to fulfill your promise–not on what you achieved in bygone times.

Source: The Past: Don’t Dwell on It, Revision It! Part 1 | Psychology Today

Go to the source if you’d like to read the rest of Leon Seltzer’s article…

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A pause that refreshes…

When I leave the home needing a little detachment, I’m grateful that my commute to work is only 3.3 miles and that one of the midwest’s most beautiful lighthouses is blocks from my office…


Click image to enlarge…

Sometimes, I listen to my YouVersion bible while I walk the breakwater. Today, Proverbs 16 came up in my reading plan…

1 To humans belong the plans of the heart,

but from the LORD comes the proper answer of the tongue.

2 All a person’s ways seem pure to them,

but motives are weighed by the LORD.

3 Commit to the LORD whatever you do,

and he will establish your plans.

via Proverbs 16 NIV – To humans belong the plans of the – Bible Gateway.

Running a business on my own is not always easy. Sometimes an open day on my calendar seems like an abyss. As one of those social media ‘gooroos’, there are never any shortage of distractions to satisfy the ‘ADD’ in me. That’s when I turn to my Higher Power and contemplate my 11th Step guidlines…

Preparing for the Day Ahead
  • We ask God to direct our thinking, asking especially that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives.
  • We consider our plans for the day. We can now use our mental faculties with assurance.
  • If we face indecision or we can’t determine what course to take, we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy.
  • We pray to be shown all through the day what our next step is to be, that we be given whatever we need to take care of problems.
  • We ask especially for freedom from self-will. [We might also pray for help with specific defects or problem areas, and review our 10th step corrective measures for the day ahead.]
Prayers to be of Use
  • We ask for guidance in the way of patience, kindness, tolerance and love especially within the family.
  • We pray as to what we can do today for the person who is still sick. [We might also pray for specific people in need, or those with whom we’re angry.]
Spiritual/Religious Exercises
  • If appropriate, we attend to our religious devotions, or say set prayers which emphasize 12 Step principles.
  • We may read from a spiritual book.
Practicing the 11th Step Throughout the Day
  • We pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action.
  • We constantly remind ourselves we are no longer running the show, humbly saying to ourselves many times each day “Thy will be done.” Source: 11th Step Guidelines

You don’t have to have abused a substance to benefit from a 12 Step program! Celebrate Recovery — the Christian version of the AA 12 Step program — has been helpful to me in dealing with ‘hurts, hangups and habits’ and it may benefit you, too. God bless YOU today as you move into your week…

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