My 7 year old drew a picture of my wife and me having an argument. Blaa, blaa. Changed my life, it did…
Out of the mouths of babes
Don’t overdo it
“So, you surrendered. You let go. Now you’re ready to face a particular challenge. So you hunker down and garner all your forces. And you hit the wall again.
“What’s wrong?” you may ask. “I’m doing all the spiritual things I’m supposed to do. And things still aren’t working. I can’t get anywhere.”
Did you ever try to get a key to unlock a door, and you tried and tried, and the key just wouldn’t open it? The harder you tried, the more frustrated you became. So you stopped trying for a while, relaxed, and tried again. Voila. The key fit perfectly and the slightest turn unlocked the door.
Many of us live our lives that way While some people may not try at all, we may be trying too hard. There’s a gentler way of being in the world, of trying things, doing things, going about our business.
Whether I’m tackling a specific project, enjoying a new relationship, or grinding through some miserable situation, my first inclination is to force myself and try too hard. If one cup of tea tastes good, I’ll drink five. If I want to express love or concern for someone, I’ll overdo it.
“If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well,” doesn’t mean if it’s worth doing, try harder and harder. Doing it well means relaxing and letting the actions unfold—gently, naturally without force. We don’t have to make things happen. We can learn to take our part in letting them happen. It is really okay to ease up a little. We don’t have to think that hard, try that hard, feel that hard, do quite so much. Pull back a little. Relax.
When force and trying harder doesn’t do it, try something else.
Value: “Easy does it” is the value this week.” via May 16.
Do exactly what you would do if you felt most secure
BrainyQuote via Do exactly what you would do if you felt most secure. – Meister….
Challenge: Finish the Sentence: “I am __________ .
Good stuff from Positively Positive this morning…
“Who would you be be if nobody told you who you were?”
Holy Sweet Downward Dog, I don’t know the answer. I don’t know who I’d be.
At that time the question blew me right out my seat.
I came back to my seat fully inhabited as somebody else.
You mean I get to decide who I am? I get to say who I am in the world rather than simply letting someone tell me?
What the what?
For a long time I let the people around me dictate who I was. Sure, I was dealing with depression but the constant reminder that I should smile more, that I was so sad all the time actually had the effect of keeping me in that space. So I decided that was who I was. Sad and depressed.
And that was that about that.
I also have a severe hearing problem and before people knew that important fact they would think I was an airhead or just very checked out. You kind of start to believe it after a while. I’m just a dingbat. I’m just an airhead.
Enough people tell you what and who you are and—what do you know?—you start to decide it’s the truth! You start to accept that’s just the way the cookie crumbles.
Source: Challenge: Finish the Sentence: “I am __________ .” « Positively Positive
The author, Jennifer Pastiloff goes on to say…
You get to decide as many times as you like just who you are. Moment to moment. Breath to breath.
I was a waitress at the same place for thirteen years. Half-heartedly pretending to be an actress. Now I am a yoga teacher (or joyologist as I like to say) and a writer and motivational speaker. No pretending or half-heartedness.
And guess what else? I decided that I am not an airhead, I simply CAN’T HEAR!
Despite what the world told me about my character and who I was. I chose differently.As I say in my poem “How To Make A Life” you get to decide over and over, as many times as you like , just who you are.
I lead an exercise in my workshops and retreats where I have people finish the sentence I am _____.
You cannot finish the sentence with: I am fat, I am broke, I am tired , hungry, bored, etc.
Let your sentence be something powerful and authentic. Something that you truly believe you are, despite all the buts and ifs.
After all, this is your life sentence. Literally.
For example: if you’ve thought of yourself as just a mom for years (and I know many who have thought themselves that even though the “just” makes me cringe), especially if you have done that, this exercise is profound.
You are the one making the rules.
You get to finish your I am-ness with whatever you like.
Why not? You are the creator of your world.
So here’s who I am. At least today: I am a healer. I am a writer. I am inspired. I am inspiring. I am powerful.
But most of all: I am love.
I lead my Manifestation retreats and workshops all around the world where I provide a safe space for people to connect to the truth of who they really are.
One exercise I ask people to do is to say their “I am-ness” aloud and then pick someone in the room as a partner. They then share their “I am-ness” before looking in their partner’s eyes for three minutes straight, without saying a word.
(It’s intense. Try it with someone.)
Some people weep. Some laugh. Some want to crawl out of their skin and beat the sh*t out of me.
But all know that the person looking in their eyes sees them exactly as who they said they were.
Who are you?
Be brave.
I dare you.
Today’s Challenge is the question: Who Would You be if Nobody Told You who you were?
Add your response below in a comment. Finish the sentence I am ________.
Fill it in with something powerful and inspiring.
Fill it with you who really are. Despite it all and because of it all.
Contact me to find out how to get powerful temporary tattoos that say: I AM by Conscious Ink if you need a little reminder.
Go ahead and say it. I am ___________.
Source: Challenge: Finish the Sentence: “I am __________ .” « Positively Positive
What will YOU do with this today?
It’s Not What You’re Seeing – It’s Who You’re BEING That Counts!
I wanted to share SOME of Mastin Kipp’s thoughts with you this morning, but once I got started, I didn’t know where to stop to I curated his entire post for you – it’s that good…
Let’s be SUPER clear about something: it’s not what you DO that matters – it’s who you ARE that matters!
In today’s world, we can get SO caught up in DOING! And we focus on the outward, the job, the career, the money, being important, etc., etc.
And then we come to a time, a breaking point, where all that stuff doesn’t seem to matter so much and we just want to be happy. We could find this breaking point at a young age or at an old age. But at SOME POINT, achievement isn’t enough; we want to be happy dammit!
And this is where the “spiritual” path begins. I say “spiritual” because it’s not really something to take so seriously. If we meditate perfectly, wear all the garb perfectly, chant perfectly, eat vegan, gluten-free and have our green juice, but we don’t have LOVE in our hearts, then we’ve missed the whole damn point.
I’d rather hang out with a Love-centered meat eating “not so spiritual person” than a passive aggressive righteous vegan who has the perfect yoga practice and a perfectly fitting lululemon outfit on.
Don’t get it twisted – the ego finds its sly way into the path. And all the rites and rituals don’t mean a DARN THING if we don’t have Love in our hearts. And if we have Love in our hearts and are being Love, then we don’t need the rites and rituals unless we want to do them because they help to remind us to BE LOVE.
It is in our BEING that we find ourselves and our purpose, not in our DOING. You can have all the material possessions in the world and still be lonely as hell, and you can be broke as a mofo and have Love and be the richest person in the world. Me, I want both! I want to have amazingly abundant material possessions, but first and foremost, I want to keep Love and connection in my heart and remain humble within physical abundance.
But the stuff, the form doesn’t freakin matter! What matters is who we are. What matters is how we show up. What matters is the place that we come from in our thoughts, ideas and communications. What matters is if we are serving or not. What matters is crucifying our egos day in and day out (not because it’s the enemy), but so our hearts can shine through.
Living from the heart space is the goal. And when we get there, nothing else is needed because we realize on an experiential level that we are guided and cared for by The Uni-verse. That all our needs are met and that even though life doesn’t turn out how we want it to, that life turns out how we need it to and that is SO FREAKIN RAD!
The ego’s desires PALE in comparison to what The Uni-verse has in store for you. Your ego can’t dream that big, or Love that big or imagine itself being used for THAT much service.
It’s not what you’re doing – it’s who you’re being that counts.
Source: It’s Not What You’re Seeing – It’s Who You’re BEING That Counts!
See what I mean?
Climb the highest mountain
“We can climb the highest mountains and navigate the darkest valleys. We can do anything. Just not all at once.” Melody Beattie via May 15 | Language of Letting Go.
How To Journal Gratitude
FinerMinds Go to the source: How To Journal Gratitude.
50 Quotes to Help You Live Like You Were Dying
We so often fill our days with unnecessary stress and strife by focusing on the negative instead of the positive, taking part in mean-spirited and hurtful gossip, making mountains out of mole hills, or bickering over issues that in the larger scheme of things are inconsequential.
Here are a few quotes to help you bring things into better perspective because truly … the time that we spend on such pettiness is too precious to waste. Go to the source: 50 Quotes to Help You Live Like You Were Dying | Psychology Today.
Eating life one bite at a time
“Thank God for the ability to break life down into days.
Gratitude Focus: We can start and end each day by being grateful for everything that happened in it and the help we encountered along the way.” via May 14.
A tale of two boys
“Two young boys were raised by an alcoholic father. As they grew older, they moved away from that broken home, each going his own way in the world. Several years later, they happened to be interviewed separately by a psychologist who was analyzing the effects of drunkedness on children in broken homes. His research revealed that the two men were strikingly different from each other. One was a clean-living teetotaler, the other a hopeless drunk like his father. The psychologist asked each of them why he developed the way he did, and each gave an identical answer, ‘What would you expect when you have a father like mine.'” –Earl Nightingale, paraphrasing a story told by Hans Selye via Two boys……………….
Codepedence is not just an issue for partners of addicts
I don’t normally curate this much content in one ‘swell foop’ as I like to say but Melody Beattie’s perspective on owning your own stuff and Mark Brower’s comments on same were so good I couldn’t find anything to exclude. Mark starts out and then quotes my ‘Language of Letting Go’ reading for today…
Many of us struggle with codependency. When addiction is present in a relationship, the old model was that the addict was “dependent” and his or her spouse was “codependent.” But today we know that usually both the addict and spouse struggle with codependency in its various forms.
Codependency happens when we lose touch with our sense of self, and become over-dependent on how other people are doing, and/or how they perceive us. Since we are not “okay” with ourselves, we have to work overtime to ensure that other people around us are doing okay, and/or that they feel good about us.
So we wind up tolerating things we shouldn’t tolerate, feeling responsible for things we shouldn’t feel responsible for, and compromising what we want simply in order to please someone else. This inevitably leads to distress and frustration, which causes the addict to move deeper into their addiction, and for the addict’s spouse to cope in other ways.
The issue of codependence is complicated for Christians, because it gets mixed up with our desire to love and serve other people. The Bible tells us to “consider others better than ourselves.” But the same Bible also tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves, which presupposes some sort of healthy self-regard. The Bible also portrays Jesus himself taking time away from the crowds – not being “nice” and doing what they want him to do – in order to rest and reconnect with God the Father.
The trick to living a recovery life in relationships with others is to know how to separate healthy love with unhealthy codependence.
Melody Beattie has been a great help for me over the years with her many books on this topic. One of her best books on this topic is a daily meditation book called “The Language of Letting Go.”
In another article on this blog, I wrote about codependence, and quoted at length from her book. But it’s so good and helpful that I want to quote some more! What follows are some excerpts about the issue of “Property Lines”:
A helpful tool in our recovery, especially in the behavior we call detachment, is learning to identify who owns what. Then we let each person own and possess his or her rightful property.
If another person has an addiction, a problem, a feeling, or a self-defeating behavior, that is their property, not ours. If someone is a martyr, immersed in negativity, controlling, or manipulative, that is their issue, not ours.
If someone has acted and experienced a particular consequence, both the behavior and the consequence belong to that person.
People’s lies, deceptions, tricks, manipulations, abusive behaviors, inappropriate behaviors, cheating behaviors, and tacky behaviors belong to them, too. Not us.
People’s hopes and dreams are their property. Their guilt belongs to them too. Their happiness or misery is also theirs. So are their beliefs and messages.
If some people don’t like themselves, that is their choice. Their choices are their property, not ours. What people choose to say and do is their business.
What is our property? Our property includes our behaviors, problems, feelings, happiness, misery, choices, and messages; our ability to love, care, and nurture; our thoughts, our denial, our hopes and dreams for ourselves. Whether we allow ourselves to be controlled, manipulated, deceived, or mistreated is our business.
In recovery, we learn an appropriate sense of ownership. If something isn’t ours, we don’t take it. If we take it, we learn to give it back. Let other people have their property, and learn to own and take good care of what’s ours.
Today, I will work at developing a clear sense of what belongs to me, and what doesn’t. If it’s not mine, I won’t keep it. I will deal with myself, my issues, and my responsibilities.
If you want to learn more about codependence, consider signing up for the Recovery Journey, an e-course for people in recovery from sexual struggles. If you are the partner of someone who struggles, note that we have a special module with materials just for the partners. You can learn more about this program at the website: http://recoveryjourney.com
Source: Codepedence is not just an issue for partners of addicts | sexualsanity.com
Codependence is a constant battle for me and it has made made my wife’s vacation in Italy even more difficult than the simple logistics of trying to run a business and hold down the fort with 4 boys while she’s gone but by the grace of God, with the help of Celebrate Recovery, my good friends Sandy and Steve and Melody Beattie’s good thoughts. we are winning on this trip! If these issues resonate with you, drop me a note below. I’ll be happy to share with you what I have…
Related articles
- Fear & Codependency (toddlohenry.com)
- …on Control (toddlohenry.com)
- …on feeling good (toddlohenry.com)
- The Reality of Recovery, Part 2 (carolynswords.wordpress.com)
- When to stop enabling and start disabling (spreadinformation.wordpress.com)
Women’s Top 4 Wishes and Why Men Should Grant Them
“Since venturing into the world of Men’s Top 4 Wishes and Why You Should Grant Them, I have been talking to women about their relationship wishes. And it seems we are in a pie in the sky world. But who says that women shouldn’t be reaching for the stars?
In my own research through the years, I have found that women are a faithful group, as confirmed by talks with W. Bradford Wilcox, Ph.D., a sociologist and director of the National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia. He says that just 14 percent of ever-married women reported an extramarital affair over their lifetime as compared to 22 percent of men.” Go to the source to get the wishes: Women’s Top 4 Wishes and Why Men Should Grant Them | Psychology Today.
One day at a time…
“It’s easy to look at all the tasks and unsolved problems and feel so pressured that we get paralyzed and don’t get anything done. It takes discipline to gather in our scattered forces and focus on one thing, one day, one step, and sometimes one hour—even when taking only that one step can seem so trivial in the face of all that looms.
Would you rather try to do everything at once and get nothing done, or take one small step and do that well? Remember, one plus one equals two.
Inventory Focus: Are you creating unnecessary fear and drama by taking on more than you can handle? Are you willing to trade in the I’m-out-of-control-and-overwhelmed feeling for a sense of manageability? Do you have any history with deliberately living life one day or one step at a time? How did that work? Plans, goals, and dreams are good, but the only way to get there is one day at a time.” via May 12.
ASK For What You Want!
“Some people fold after making one timid request. They quit too soon. Keep asking until you find the answers. There are usually four or five “no’s” before you get a “yes.”” Jack Canfield via Today’s Quotes: ASK For What You Want!.
On the Majority
“Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.” via Mark Twain.
Mmmm…
Nicholas Bate is on to something here. As I say “It’s not the tool — it’s the thought and the tactics behind the tool that make it effective”…
Perfection?
Another great perspective from Melody Beattie…
Easy does it…
“I watched a friend set up beach chairs and an umbrella. He was grunting, groaning, trying with all his might to accomplish a simple task. After he finished, he looked around and clapped the sand off his hands.
“I’m pretty dumb,” he said. “It didn’t have to be that hard or that much work.”
Yes, life really can be easier. Relaxing and letting it unfold can seem too simple and easy at times. What if we really knew that it was okay to gently go about our lives, living and working and handling things at a relaxed pace? What if we knew it was okay to gently take care of ourselves, and that a force would be present to guide us and help us accomplish each task, each problem, in fact, all the parts of our lives?
Life experience truly has taught me that when I relax, I am so much more capable of experiencing great happiness as well as simple joys. Things get done, problems get solved, and my needs get met.
Gratitude Focus: We can be grateful for all the situations that teach and remind us that “easy does it” works.” via May 11.
Bright, shiny objects! 
You must be logged in to post a comment.