Category: Wisdom

So that’s how it goes…

Melody-Beattie.pngMelody Beattie has a loooong post on New Year‘s mindfulness. Here’s an excerpt:

I began to list the qualities or skills I applied that helped me go from loser to a winner at something I knew absolutely nothing about when I started.  I didn’t take me long to see that these are identical to the qualities that help me succeed at anything I want to do. While these ideas aren’t revolutionary, it’s easy to forget that each is within our power to do.

  1. Realize I’m where I am on purpose, even if it’s an accident. Sometimes the most trivial things that happen to us are more important than we believe.  When I look for the big, the exciting and the momentous – I leave empty-handed.  When I surrender to the present moment, understanding the sheer magnificence of each of these in my life – even those that suck — and then follow that with gratitude, my wheelbarrow overflows.  (I use that expression because my entire life, I wanted a wheelbarrow and now I have one, a good one I won one for not much money at all at DealDash and because “cups overflowing” has become a cliché, something writers should avoid.) I really am thrilled about having a wheelbarrow and in my most far-fetched moments of self-love, couldn’t justify buying one.

Full story at: SO THAT’S HOW IT GOES | Melody Beattie.

 

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5 Lies You Tell Yourself That Stop You From Reaching Your Goals

Dreams. Goals. Ambitions. Everyone has them. Even those who say they don’t, are, in essence, setting a goal to not have them.

But what are you doing to reach them? And what’s stopping you?

I have spoken to many, listened to their goals, dreams, ambitions, and I’ve heard the excuses. I want to provide you with something I’d like to call “The 180 Look,” taking a 180-degree turn and thinking differently about what’s blocking you from reaching your goals.

Full story at: 5 Lies You Tell Yourself That Stop You From Reaching Your Goals.

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Behind Great Anger is Great Pain; Don’t Take It Personally

“More important than the quest for certainty is the quest for clarity.” ~Francois Gautier

via Behind Great Anger is Great Pain; Don’t Take It Personally | Tiny Buddha.

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You Are The Creator

You tell stories. You believe them.

They are just stories you have created, and will continue to create, unless you become “aware” (conscious) or awakened.

You are the creator.

Everything you see is actually revealing about you.

What you see in others, is inside you.

When you realize that, it will help you to SEE.

Then you will have a true UNDERSTANDING.

Full story at:  You Are The Creator.

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Stop Beating Yourself Up… Start Loving Yourself Radically!

kute-blackson-261x3001Kute Blackson writes:

It can be easy to judge yourself at times.

Many of us do it quite well.

We beat ourselves up. Criticize. Treat ourselves harshly. We often strive to make ourselves different from what we are.

From the moment we are born, we get conditioned. We are told who we should and shouldn’t be. We are told repeatedly that who we are isn’t enough. It gets reinforced by the advertising in the media that wants to sell you something.

When you accept yourself for being who you are and who you are not, a powerful freedom is yours.

Beating yourself up to try and fit some idea of who you need to be in order to be loved and accepted by others only creates more stress and suffering.

Beating yourself up to be something often keeps you feeling like nothing and can keep you stuck where you are.

Judging yourself in an effort to change simply reinforces the very patterns you are seeking to change.

No matter what has happened to you, know this:

You are perfect as you are.

So what if you didn’t need to change, improve, or be anything other than what you are already?

What if you were to radically, completely accept who you are and not in this moment?

Not accepting only causes you more suffering.

Acceptance is the key to your freedom. It’s in acceptance of who you are and where you are in your process of being a human being that you create the space to truly be with yourself as you are. It’s this space of non-judgment that is profoundly healing. Even to simply accept your non-acceptance is freedom.

Acting like some idealized version of yourself that you think you should be doesn’t make you authentically who you are or truly free.

The real freedom is in dropping all the “shoulds” of who you think you should or shouldn’t be, and allow yourself to simply be. Then the real you can blossom.

As you begin to accept yourself totally even those parts of yourself that you judge or think are “bad” will heal in the space of love, compassion, and acceptance.

Judging yourself is easy. But it takes real courage to love yourself radically.

To love yourself radically is to not only love just the parts of you that you like, but also the parts that you don’t like.

What parts of yourself have you been judging?

What if you committed to loving that?

What if you committed to loving even the part of you that “can’t” love?

It’s in loving radically that you set yourself free.

It’s time.

Love. Now.

Source: Stop Beating Yourself Up…Start Loving Yourself Radically!

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Caroline Casey: Looking past limits

Activist Caroline Casey tells the story of her extraordinary life, starting with a revelation (no spoilers). In a talk that challenges perceptions, Casey asks us all to move beyond the limits we may think we have.

via Caroline Casey: Looking past limits – YouTube.

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5 Ways To Live The Life You Want In 2013

45% of us make New Year’s resolutions and 8% will be successful in keeping them, according to a recent study from the University of Scranton’s Journal of Clinical Psychology. A very gloomy statistic for sure and I totally get why. We are all amped up in the beginning of the year to lose weight or spend less and then the New Year hits and we get distracted with other commitments and fall back into old habitual patterns. Well, there’s hope. via 5 Ways To Live The Life You Want In 2013.

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Change Your Attitude About Goals

Full story at:  Change Your Attitude About Goals « Positively Positive.

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A New Year’s Ritual for you!

Christine Hassler shares this:

For the past eight years I have shared my New Year’s ritual to let go of the past and clarify my focus for the future.  I know many of you have joined me in this ritual and I love hearing about your experiences.  And this year to amp up this powerful process I have recorded a guided visualization and meditation as an extra special addition! Go here to get it. In this twelve- minute journey, I guide you through identifying the lessons and blessings from 2012 so you can clearly envision and begin creating what you’d like to experience in 2013.

Now onto my New Year’s tradition . . .

The following ritual does not involve making any kind of resolutions, which are usually promises to do something “more, better, or different.” We vow to exercise more, get a better job, fall in love, or find a different way to handle our stress. But does this really do us any good? Most of us start the New Year with the greatest of intentions, yet by March (or even by the second week in January) we may not find ourselves so resolved. We revert back to old patterns and beat ourselves up for not sticking to our resolutions. Could there be a way to ring in 2013 that serves us better?

YES! We can resolve not to make any resolutions and instead engage in a co-creative ritual of reflection and intention setting.

I invite you to follow this step-by-step process and amend it any way that inspires you:

Get the process here: A New Year’s Ritual for you | Christine Hassler, Inspirational Speaker, Life Coach and Author of 20 Something, 20 Everything and 20 Something Manifesto.

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Your New Normal

Craig Harper offers this insight:

What’s Normal?

Like many things ‘normal’ is personal. You have yours. I have mine. The guy over the road has his. And the lady reading the news has hers. We all have our own. We may not have consciously built it but it’s uniquely ours nonetheless. Sometimes our normal empowers us. And sometimes, it keeps us trapped like a miserable bird in an invisible cage. Sometimes it drags us up. And sometimes it drags us down. Sometimes it connects us to others. And sometimes it alienates us. Things like individual habits, behaviours, standards, beliefs and thinking demonstrate that there is no universal normal. Your normal beliefs won’t be mine. My normal language won’t be yours. Your normal thoughts won’t be mine. My normal expectations might scare the crap out of you. Your normal rituals might be my crazy behaviour. My normal yummy breakfast might be your bland, abnormal, tasteless crap. Your normal relaxing yoga class could be my sixty minutes of painful contortion. My normal job might be your professional nightmare. And my normal Saturday night could be your social suicide.

…and so on.

And while comparing normals is interesting stuff, the real issue here is not how our respective normals do or don’t align but rather, whether or not your normal aligns with the life you want to live, your core values and the results you want to create in your world.

Here’s what we know about normal:

1. It’s personal.

2. It’s optional.

3. It’s change-able.

4. It matters.

Do you need to create a new normal this year?

via Your New Normal.

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5 Questions To Ask Yourself About Your New Year’s Resolutions

The Happiness Project

Full story at:  5 Questions To Ask Yourself About Your New Year’s Resolutions..

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Facing fear…

Melody-Beattie.pngMelody Beattie writes:

“How do you face fear?” a woman asked.

“I suggest doing one thing each week that scares you,” I said, even though Eleanor Roosevelt said to do one thing each day that scares you.

Action: Make a list of your fears, known and unknown. Then tell yourself, someone else, and your Higher Power what’s on the list. This idea is borrowed from the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Next make a list of ten things, like deep breathing or praying, that help you feel peaceful, or at least help you make peace with the fear. Learn to recognize fear. Then figure out what you need to do to make yourself feel safe.

We each have similar—and different—things on our list of fears. Sometimes our fears are deep rooted. They got stuck in us from our past. We each have dif­ferent ideas and levels of actions we’re ready to take to be brave and face fear. For some, it might be riding in an elevator. For others, it might be expressing how they feel.

It’s important to know your limit. But sometimes it helps to push yourself a little when your fears limit you too much.

I’ye traveled alone to Pakistan, Algeria, and East Los Angeles, and I was perfectly safe. Yet, in my own home, I’ve given myself a concussion, burned myself, and fallen down the stairs.

There are certain things we need to do to responsibly protect ourselves. I recently asked a friend to pray for my safety on a potentially hazardous journey. She said, “I’ll ask. But know that God is already with you.”

Wherever we go, God’s there. Make yourself safe wherever you are.

Gratitude Focus: Instead of resisting our fears or feeling ashamed of them, let’s try reverse psychology and be grateful each time one comes up.

via December 31.

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10 Really Lame Ideas & Beliefs To Let Go Of

daniellelaporte001-296x300

Danielle LaPorte writes:

1. Let go of the belief that you’re not worthy of your desires. You are worthy of your desires.

2. Let go of the fear-based notion that you have to say yes to everything in order to be liked, loved, profitable, charitable, kind. Fewer yeses can actually help you be more generous with your giving.

3. Let go of promises that you’ve outgrown. If a commitment is keeping you smaller or duller or safer than the person you’ve become, then it’s not serving anyone.

4. Let go of the insidiously subconscious standard that how you were treated in the past is how you should be treated now. Your family, your old boy/girl/friend, or your last boss may not be the best metric by which to measure how you want to be treated. You’ve grown — your standards for love should grow with you.

5. Let go of the incredibly sexy-dullifying belief that you’ll never get what you want the most. (See #1: You are worthy of your desires.)

6. Let go of the material shit that you just don’t like. In fact, if you don’t LOVE it, make a plan to get rid of it. Too tight, too shabby, brings up bad memories. As me n’ my girls habitually remind each other: “Fuckin-get-ridda-it.”

7. Let go of the concept that art is a luxury. It’s a necessity. A home without human-created art is like a face without eyes.

8. For the love of life, let go of the idea that there’s not enough time. You are the source of time in your life.

9. Let go of the crippling notion that your needs are merely wants. If you really really really deeply truly want to be seen, heard, met, or respected — well then, that’s probably a veritable need that you must have fulfilled to be … fulfilled. (And you should set out to have that need met on a daily basis.)

10. Let go of the “what sucks” story in your life. There’s lots to bitch about — and you should bitch — bitching can be incredibly life-affirming, clarifying and galvanizing. But then stop bitching.

Create a story of your future and tell it over and over again. A future that you’re looking forward to — a future of fulfilled desires, enoughness, plenty of time, and works of art everywhere.

Source: 10 Really Lame Ideas & Beliefs To Let Go Of | Danielle LaPorte: white hot truth + sermons on life

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A New Road

Nina Boski writes:

It’s time to get on a new road, making a shift in your life as 2013 approaches! The wonderful thing about a new beginning is we get a chance to let go of the past and start fresh. We usually begin by making changes, cleaning out the old (closets or desks usually involved). It’s also a wonderful time for contemplation and reflection before we move into the outward energy of a NEW YEAR!

If you find yourself having a lot of challenges, there is an old saying, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.”

I would like to add a line: “It makes you stronger only if you embrace your life lessons with the willingness to learn and grow with an open heart.”

Meaning, in order to take a new path, you have to do the work and shift internally, as well. It is an inside and outside job—this thing called “life.”

Let us also begin 2013 with a commitment to ourselves, and then extend it to the rest of our communities and the world.

Full story at: A New Road « Positively Positive.

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Laying the Foundation

Melody-Beattie.pngMelody Beattie writes:

The groundwork has been laid.

Do you not see that?

Don’t you understand that all you have gone through was for a purpose?

There was a reason, a good reason, for the waiting, the struggle, the pain, and finally the release.

You have been prepared. The same way a builder must first tear down and dig out the old to make way for the new, your Higher Power has been cleaning out the foundation in your life.

Have you ever watched a builder at construction? When he begins his work, it looks worse than before he began. What is old and decayed must be removed. What is insufficient or too weak to support the new structure must be removed, replaced, or reinforced. No builder who cares about his or her work would put a new surface over an insufficient support system. The foundation would give way. It would not last.

If the finished product is to be what is desired, the work must be done thoroughly from the bottom up. As the work progresses, it often appears to be an upheaval. Often, it does not seem to make sense. It may appear to be wasted time and effort, because we cannot see the final product yet.

But it is so important that the foundation be laid properly if the fun work, the finishing touches, is to be all that we want it to be.

This long, hard time in your life has been for laying of groundwork. It was not without purpose, although at times the purpose may not have been evident or apparent.

Now, the foundation has been laid. The structure is solid.

Now, it is time for the finishing touches, the completion.

It is time to move the furniture in and enjoy the fruits of the labor.

Congratulations. You have had the patience to endure the hard parts. You have trusted, surrendered, and allowed your Higher Power and the Universe to heal and prepare you.

Now, you shall enjoy the good that has been planned.

Now, you shall see the purpose.

Now, it shall all come together and make sense.

Enjoy.

Today, I will surrender to the laying of the foundation – the groundwork – in my life. If it is time to enjoy the placement of the finishing touches, I will surrender to that, and enjoy that too. I will remember to be grateful for a Higher Power that is a Master Builder and only has my best interests in mind, creating and constructing my life. I will be grateful for my Higher Power’s care and attention to details in laying the foundation – even though I become impatient at times. I will stand in awe at the beauty of God’s finished product.

Source: Blog | Just For Today Meditations | Maintaining A Life

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The Most Dangerous Word in the World

noMark Waldman and Andrew Newberg, M.D. write:

If I were to put you into an fMRI scanner—a huge donut-shaped magnet that can take a video of the neural changes happening in your brain—and flash the word “NO” for less than one second, you’d see a sudden release of dozens of stress-producing hormones and neurotransmitters. These chemicals immediately interrupt the normal functioning of your brain, impairing logic, reason, language processing, and communication.

In fact, just seeing a list of negative words for a few seconds will make a highly anxious or depressed person feel worse, and the more you ruminate on them, the more you can actually damage key structures that regulate your memory, feelings, and emotions.[1] You’ll disrupt your sleep, your appetite, and your ability to experience long-term happiness and satisfaction.

If you vocalize your negativity, or even slightly frown when you say “no,” more stress chemicals will be released, not only in your brain, but in the listener’s brain as well.[2] The listener will experience increased anxiety and irritability, thus undermining cooperation and trust. In fact, just hanging around negative people will make you more prejudiced toward others![3]

via 3. The Most Dangerous Word in the World | Psychology Today.

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How to Reflect on 2012 and Set Yourself Up for Success in 2013

2013-with-globeThe good folks at Stepcase Lifehack share this:

How to reflect on the previous year

Find yourself a peaceful and quiet location to reflect on the past year, a place where there are no distractions around so you can really focus your thoughts. An ideal location would be somewhere outside of your own home—perhaps a beach or a nearby park. Find somewhere you can set your mind free.

Take a notepad and pen with you, or if you’re into technology, take your iPad or similar device.

Write down your answers to the questions below, but note that these questions are just a guide: depending on your individual circumstances, you may want to add your own questions that are more specific or relevant to your life.

Ready? Here goes:

  • What are the 5 things of 2012 that you are most proud of?
  • What new connections have you made, and how have these shaped your life?
  • What experience has made you the happiest?
  • Who has made you happiest?
  • What have been the best moments in your career this year?
  • What changes would you make to your career in 2013?
  • What challenges did you overcome this year? How did you do it?
  • What has held you back from achieving what you wanted to do this year?
  • What can you do in 2013 to ensure this doesn’t happen again?
  • What habit did you acquire this year that has made a difference?
  • What habit has prohibited you from achieving what you wanted this year?
  • What habit do you want to enable in 2013 that will make a difference?
  • What was your biggest mistake in 2012? What have you learned from this?
  • What else have you learned this year?
  • What are 3 words that sum up your year?
  • If you were to live 2012 all over again, what would you do differently?
  • Add your own!

The Next Steps

Now that you have reflected on the past year, keep your answers at the front of your mind, and file your notes about them nearby so you can refer to them regularly. Your reflections will become the starting point for setting your goals for the year, and those goals for 2013 will be much more targeted and more relevant to what it is that truly makes you happy.

It only takes 20 to 30 minutes to do this, and this short reflection can have a huge impact on your overall well-being, your learning, and your success for 2013.

Let me know how it goes as I would love to hear your experiences! 2013 is going to be an amazing year. I can feel it!

via How to Reflect on 2012 and Set Yourself Up for Success in 2013.

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Creating A New You For The New Year!

Terri Cole writes:

It is an annual occurrence. We run on autopilot from Thanksgiving through Christmas, and then around December 26, we start to think about new habits we want to create and bad habits we want to ditch. We evaluate what hasn’t been serving our purpose and what we need to change in order to be more fulfilled. For some reason, we have a difficult time implementing new strategies in the present moment. It’s as if we must wait for a momentous occasion that clearly marks new beginnings.

Does the split second between December 31 and January 1 possess some kind of transformational magic? Do we really need a specific calendar date to create our best lives?

Nope. We really don’t.

The biggest challenge is realizing the potential for renewal you have in every moment. If you focus on staying present instead of mulling over the past or anxiously awaiting the future, you can harness the power of your intention and make what seems impossible, possible. Obsessing about what you did and did not do in the past and fearfully projecting into the future is your fear mind limiting your potential.

Once you release the fear, you can stay rooted in the here and now and develop present moment awareness. You can begin to truly discover what you want more and less of in your life based on who you are NOW rather than on how you have behaved in the past.

Recognize you are a work in progress, which is a process that thankfully never ends. Realize that at any moment you can declare a Do Over—to create that magic split second of New Year’s transformation—any day of the week.

You can decide right now that negative experiences from your past will not predict your future. Now is not then, and no matter how familiar it may feel, this present moment has never happened before. Instead of fearing what may happen, harness the mind-blowing power of your intention to create what you want to happen.

Whether it’s now because New Years is right around the corner, or at any other time throughout the year, here is a great exercise to get you on the path to sustainable change.

Full story at: Creating A New You For The New Year!.

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New Year/New Life!

Ponder this as you make your plans for 2013:

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What To Do When Your Buttons Get Pushed!

Christine Hassler writes:

I recently served as someone’s button pusher after I made a request of him that he found upsetting. Caught off guard, the coach/nurturer in me immediately wanted to make it better. However, I know that the best thing to do when I’ve pushed someone’s buttons (which consequently push my own buttons of fearing that I am not liked) is to take responsibility for myself and give the other person space.

Fortunately he is someone who is committed to growth and took the time he needed to process what happened.  When he called me the next day to explain how my request made him feel, what it triggered, share what he learned and make a request of me, it was done from an incredibly authentic and neutral place. There was no blame. That made it possible for me to really hear and understand, communicate vulnerably my experience, and be totally open and willing to meet his request.

This beautiful communication was possible because we both chose to take personal responsibility rather than taking things personally.

My encouragement to you is to make the same choice whenever your buttons get pushed.  Take responsibility for your upset. Know that the other person did not CAUSE you to feel the way you are feeling.  We are all 100% responsible for how we feel.

Set aside time to process what you are feeling on your own, rather than lashing out, pulling away, stuffing it while pretending everything is okay or immediately attempting to talk it through with the other person when you are still feeling sad or angry (trust me, communication is WAY easier after you’ve worked your process).

Source: What To Do When Your Buttons Get Pushed!

http://youtu.be/jq-78QTZwQA

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To The Voice In My Head…

Robin Lee writes:

To the voice in my head:

I used to believe you when you told me I was ugly and pathetic. I would look into the mirror and notice the lines, the creases, the scars, the circles under my eyes, the gray hairs.
I would look in the mirror and declare to myself, “I am old, undesirable and ugly.”

I used to believe you when you told me I was damaged. You would remind me of all of the things that happened to me — all of the things that I was ashamed about in my past. I would look at my life and all of these things that happened and think about what a broken piece of crap I was.
I would declare to myself, “I am tainted and damaged.”

I used to believe you when you told me that nobody would want to be with me.
I would look at all of my weaknesses and declare to myself, “I am unworthy of love.”

I used to believe you when you would tell me that if only I was better — then I could have what I desperately wanted from you.
I would declare to myself, several times a day, “I am not good enough.”

Then one day, I woke up feeling very depressed. I looked around at my life and easily could see all that I had to be grateful for, but it didn’t seem to matter. I couldn’t seem to stop declaring the horrible things that I chose to believe that you kept telling me — over and over and over again. What we allow will continue — Isn’t this so? I allowed it for so long, it didn’t seem to want to stop. Not even for a second.

Until one day…
I asked myself if all you told me was really true. Was it really true that I was old, undesirable and ugly? Was it really true that I was tainted and damaged? Was it really true that I was unworthy of life and not good enough?
I realized that day — It was only true as long as I declared it to be so.

I began from that day forward writing on sticky notes ….

I AM LOVEABLE. And so it is.
I AM GOOD ENOUGH EXACTLY AS I AM RIGHT NOW. And so it is.
EXPERIENCES IN LIFE BROUGHT ME TO WHERE I AM TODAY. And so it is.
I AM WHOLE AND COMPLETE. And so it is.
I AM DESIRABLE. And so it is.
I AM VITAL. And so it is.
I AM BEAUTIFUL. And so it is.

I posted those sticky notes around the house, in my car, on my laptop. Every time I would see them I would take a big deep breath and often find myself in tears. I wanted desperately to believe these things, but the damage was so deeply engrained. Something inside told me to keep affirming, keep breathing — and at some point it would pay off. Like seeds being planted in a garden — in its own time, the intention I had would grow.

Each and every day I would hear your nagging voice tell me the reasons why I wasn’t worthy of enjoying my life — and each time I heard your voice I would put my hands on my chest (heart chakra) — breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth and say out-loud, “Stop!!”

I would breathe again and say out loud one of the positive affirmations I wrote above…
I am beautiful. And so it is.
I am vital. And so it is.
I am desirable. And so it is.

Then one day, I woke up and heard your voice louder than ever. I barely got out of bed and you started nagging me with your, “You look old today. If people only knew the real you, nobody would ever want to be with you.”
I took a deep breath and stated out loud, “Excuse me, are you talking to me?” Following that question was a profound silence.

Thank you for all that you taught me – it’s time to say goodbye.

Source: To The Voice In My Head…!

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