Something someone said yesterday triggered a memory of this ‘poem’. I used to have this hanging on my wall in high school. Still a lot of truth today…
Desiderata
The Healing Power Of Furry Friends
Anyone who has ever had a pet can vouch for the fact that seeing their loving little eager-to-please faces as you come home can really lift your spirits after a long day.
Even if they do destroy your home, keep you up with their crying all night or leave unwanted presents on your new carpet – you can’t help but love their butter-wouldn’t-melt-in-their-mouth faces!
Therefore, it’s not surprising that studies have confirmed that having a little furry friend does indeed do wonders for your overall happiness. Study researcher Allen McConnell, of Miami University in Ohio, said in a statement.
“We observed evidence that pet owners fared better, both in terms of well-being outcomes and individual differences, than non-owners on several dimensions.
Specifically, pet owners had greater self-esteem, were more physically fit, tended to be less lonely, were more conscientious, were more extroverted, less fearful and less preoccupied than non-owners.”
On a deeper level, having a pet as a companion can also help mend the pain associated with loss, or during periods of loneliness or depression. They force you to care for another life – thus helping to take the focus off your own problems and provide you with unconditional love.
Everyone wants to be loved and needed – pets fulfill this nurturing role. This can be particularly important for middle-aged parents who may be suffering from ‘empty nest syndrome’ after their children have moved out, or for the elderly who are alone and have limited family and friends.
Of course if you’re not an animal person, or you’re having trouble looking after yourself, having an animal will not be for you. However, if you’re in a position to care for a special little friend, getting a pet can be the best remedy for loneliness.
One of our favorite pet stories has to be the story of Faith, a dog born with deformed front legs. However, as a result of her owner’s love and determination, she not only averted the doggy lethal injection, but now also walks on her back legs!
Has your pet helped you get through a difficult time or increased your overall happiness? We’d love to hear your story and how they’ve made a difference in your life, or to someone you know!” via The Healing Power Of Furry Friends.
Blog readers know all about my black cat Boo and how our ‘kitty time’ has changed my life. How about you? Got an animal friend?
Is Your Spouse Really Your Best Friend?
A few weeks ago I curated an article from Michael Hyatt on ‘How to be your spouse’s best friend’. A few days ago, I found this article in Psychology Today by author Isadora Alman who has an interesting perspective and some good advice:
With any client’s first visit, usually presenting with some aspect of a relationship concern, I always review other aspects of their life – general health, the work he or she does and feelings about it, other people in their life (family, friends), what recreational activities are pursued, and if the person has enough time for him or herself. Almost always the answer to this last question is “no”. While all the other aspects of a life I ask about may have some bearing on a relationship issue, this last one always does.
Most of us these days lead frantic lives with demands for time coming at us from all directions. Priorities have to be assigned and almost always personal needs beyond the most basic of food and sleep are often swept aside. Even then, many people are not eating well or getting enough sleep so a half hour a day to simply take a deep breath of fresh air is just not there. Time to connect with a partner about how your day went or what’s on your mind in general is left, if it happens at all, to a few groggy moments before sleep takes over.
Let’s say, however, that one does manage to schedule a movie or a meal out. What if your partner prefers a different movie than the one you want to see, or a different type of restaurant food? What if he or she would prefer not to go to a movie at all but to a sports event or an art museum? Do you forego what you want for the sake of couple harmony? If so, no wonder you might be feeling lonely although coupled. You’re living your life via someone else’s choices rather than your own.
An oversimplification perhaps, but I strongly feel that you need to be your own best friend. Your own needs must be given some priority so that, as a fulfilled person, you can then be in a position to be more generous with your partner and others around you. If you’re feeling lonely and not getting the support, sympathy or help from your spouse that is the very definition of friendship, look elsewhere – for a friend, usually same sex, and not place that burden of such expectations entirely on your spouse. If you are feeling too much closeness within the coupled bonds, take what space you need for maximum enjoyment of life….and for maximum enjoyment of your partnership as well. Two people who each have their needs met, who take responsibility of fulfilling their own needs, will make much better and more interesting partners to each other.
Source: Is Your Spouse Really Your Best Friend? | Psychology Today
No More Lonely Nights
I can wait another day
Until I call you
You’ve only got my heart on a string
And everything a-flutter
But another lonely night
Might take forever
We’ve only got each other to blame
It’s all the same to me, love
‘Cause I know what I feel to be right
No more lonely nights
No more lonely nights
You’re my guiding light
Day or night, I’m always there
May I never miss the thrill
Of being near you
And if it takes a couple of years
To turn your tears to laughter
I will do what I feel to be right
No more lonely nights, never be another
No more lonely nights
You’re my guiding light
Day or night, I’m always there
And I won’t go away until you tell me so
No, I’ll never go away
Yes, I know what I feel to be right
No more lonely nights, never be another
No more lonely nights
You’re my guiding light
Day or night, I’m always there
And I won’t go away until you tell me so
No, I’ll never go away
And I won’t go away until you tell me so
No, I’ll never go away
No more lonely nights, no no
It’s Not What You’re Seeing – It’s Who You’re BEING That Counts!
I wanted to share SOME of Mastin Kipp’s thoughts with you this morning, but once I got started, I didn’t know where to stop to I curated his entire post for you – it’s that good…
Let’s be SUPER clear about something: it’s not what you DO that matters – it’s who you ARE that matters!
In today’s world, we can get SO caught up in DOING! And we focus on the outward, the job, the career, the money, being important, etc., etc.
And then we come to a time, a breaking point, where all that stuff doesn’t seem to matter so much and we just want to be happy. We could find this breaking point at a young age or at an old age. But at SOME POINT, achievement isn’t enough; we want to be happy dammit!
And this is where the “spiritual” path begins. I say “spiritual” because it’s not really something to take so seriously. If we meditate perfectly, wear all the garb perfectly, chant perfectly, eat vegan, gluten-free and have our green juice, but we don’t have LOVE in our hearts, then we’ve missed the whole damn point.
I’d rather hang out with a Love-centered meat eating “not so spiritual person” than a passive aggressive righteous vegan who has the perfect yoga practice and a perfectly fitting lululemon outfit on.
Don’t get it twisted – the ego finds its sly way into the path. And all the rites and rituals don’t mean a DARN THING if we don’t have Love in our hearts. And if we have Love in our hearts and are being Love, then we don’t need the rites and rituals unless we want to do them because they help to remind us to BE LOVE.
It is in our BEING that we find ourselves and our purpose, not in our DOING. You can have all the material possessions in the world and still be lonely as hell, and you can be broke as a mofo and have Love and be the richest person in the world. Me, I want both! I want to have amazingly abundant material possessions, but first and foremost, I want to keep Love and connection in my heart and remain humble within physical abundance.
But the stuff, the form doesn’t freakin matter! What matters is who we are. What matters is how we show up. What matters is the place that we come from in our thoughts, ideas and communications. What matters is if we are serving or not. What matters is crucifying our egos day in and day out (not because it’s the enemy), but so our hearts can shine through.
Living from the heart space is the goal. And when we get there, nothing else is needed because we realize on an experiential level that we are guided and cared for by The Uni-verse. That all our needs are met and that even though life doesn’t turn out how we want it to, that life turns out how we need it to and that is SO FREAKIN RAD!
The ego’s desires PALE in comparison to what The Uni-verse has in store for you. Your ego can’t dream that big, or Love that big or imagine itself being used for THAT much service.
It’s not what you’re doing – it’s who you’re being that counts.
Source: It’s Not What You’re Seeing – It’s Who You’re BEING That Counts!
See what I mean?
…on One Day at a Time
“One day at a time” isn’t a value I acquired because I wanted to. I had to. Now I apply it because I want to.
Application: Sailing through life? Falling in love? Plenty of money? Or maybe things aren’t going that well. Lonely? Dealing with relationship issues? Not sure how the relationship will work out?Your boss is driving you nuts, but you don’t want to quit? Concerned about your child? Whatever circumstances we find ourselves in, taking each day as it comes is a good idea.” via May 9.
Maybe I’m amazed…
This one goes out to my beautiful wife…
“Maybe I’m a man and maybe I’m a lonely man
Who’s in the middle of something
That he doesn’t really understand
Maybe I’m a man and maybe you’re the only woman
Who could ever help me
Baby won’t you help me understand…”
via Paul McCartney :: Maybe Im Amazed Lyrics – Absolute Lyrics.
A poem for Monday…
Thanks to Steve Layman for posting this poem. I love ANYTHING to do with daffodils…
I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o’er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils; Continue reading “A poem for Monday…”
Don’t let your fire go out!
“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”
– Helen Keller, was an American author, activist and lecturer.
“Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark…. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.”
– Ayn Rand, was the best selling author of The Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged.
“Giving energy to the fantasy of your shame takes you places you don’t want to go. Anger, shame, remorse and sadness are all feelings that are related to the past. Worry & anxiety are more related to the future. This should illuminate the importance of becoming truly present through forgiveness & acceptance of oneself and others.”
– Tommy Rosen
Solitude: the benefits it brings
Are you lonely or alone? Consider this…
“In a study of fifth through ninth graders, Reed Larson found that over time, the older children choose to spend more time alone. What’s more, their emotional experience was improved after they had spent some time on their own. Those adolescents who spent an intermediate amount of time alone – not too much, not too little – seemed to be doing the best psychologically.
The psychologists who really do get it about the sweetness of solitude are the ones I mentioned in my last post – Christopher Long and James Averill. The title of their key theoretical article is “Solitude: An exploration of the benefits of being alone.” No apology. No befuddlement that humans might actually benefit from their time alone.
Here’s how they characterize solitude:
“The paradigm experience of solitude is a state characterized by disengagement from the immediate demands of other people – a state of reduced social inhibition and increased freedom to select one’s mental and physical activities.”
Many readers made similar observations in the comments they posted to Part 1. Although there can be benefits to spending time with others, there can also be rewards to “disengagement from the immediate demands of other people.””
Go to the source if you’d like to read the rest of the article. Me? This reminds me of the old adage about snow. If it comes to me, it’s work. If I go to it, it’s play. Same with being by yourself. If I choose it, it’s solitude. If I feel I have no choice, I’m lonely. What do you think?
The holidays…
More healthy thinking from Melody Beattie…
Sometimes, the holidays are filled with the joy we associate with that time of year. The season flows. Magic is in the air. Sometimes, the holidays can be difficult and lonely. Here are some ideas I’ve learned through personal experience, and practice, to help us get through difficult holidays: Deal with feelings, but try not to dwell unduly on them. Put the holidays in perspective: A holiday is one day out of 365. We can get through any 24-hour period. Get through the day, but be aware that there may be a post-holiday backlash. Sometimes, if we use our survival behaviors to get through the day, the feelings will catch up to us the next day. Deal with them too. Get back on track as quickly as possible. Find and cherish the love that’s available, even if it’s not exactly what we want. Is there someone we can give love to and receive love from? Recovering friends? Is there a family who would enjoy sharing their holiday with us? Don’t be a martyr; go. There may be those who would appreciate our offer to share our day with them. We are not in the minority if we find ourselves experiencing a less-than-ideal holiday. How easy, but untrue, to tell ourselves the rest of the world is experiencing the perfect holiday, and we’re alone in conflict. We can create our own holiday agenda. Buy yourself a present. Find someone to whom you you can give. Unleash your loving, nurturing self and give in to the holiday spirit. Maybe past holidays haven’t been terrific. Maybe this year wasn’t terrific. But next year can be better, and the next a little better. Work toward a better life—one that meets your needs. Before long, you’ll have it.
God, help me enjoy and cherish this holiday. If my situation is less than ideal, help me take what’s good and let go of the rest.
Beattie, Melody (2009-12-15). The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) (p. 371). Hazelden. Kindle Edition.
Related articles
- Getting through the holidays… (toddlohenry.com)
- Expectations of others (toddlohenry.com)
- Holiday triggers (toddlohenry.com)
- Strategies for dealing with family drama… (toddlohenry.com)
- Needs and boundaries (toddlohenry.com)
Be The Kind Of Person You Want To Be With
“Be the kind of person you would like to be with. Some people come into our lives, make footprints on our hearts and we are never the same. People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.”
– Joseph F. Newton
via thedailylove.com
Bright, shiny objects! 
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