Category: Compassion

Don’t Be a Jerk: The Relationship Rule That Actually Works

The best predictor of relationship success isn’t how often you have sex or how well you communicate. It’s something simpler — and harder.

The article “Don’t Be a Jerk: The Relationship Rule That Actually Works” argues that the key to a successful relationship goes beyond typical factors like sexual frequency or communication skills. It emphasizes a fundamental principle: treating your partner with kindness and respect. By fostering a supportive environment and avoiding negative behaviors, couples can strengthen their bond and enhance their relationship’s longevity. The article highlights the importance of simple, caring actions as vital for relationship success.

Go to the source: Don’t Be a Jerk: The Relationship Rule That Actually Works

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How to Stay Kind When You’re Fed Up With Everything

If your compassion’s running on fumes, you’re not alone. Learn to reset with kindness that’s real—not performative or covered by a fake smile.

In the article “How to Stay Kind When You’re Fed Up With Everything,” the author discusses the challenge of maintaining compassion and kindness, especially during overwhelming times. It emphasizes the importance of resetting one’s mindset to embrace genuine kindness rather than performative actions masked with fake smiles. By focusing on real compassion, individuals can rejuvenate their spirits and enhance their interactions with others.

If you’re feeling drained and need a boost in kindness, this article offers insightful strategies to help you navigate through those tough moments. For a deeper understanding and more practical tips, I encourage you to read the full article here.

Source: How to Stay Kind When You’re Fed Up With Everything

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3 Myths About Self-Compassion

Practice self-compassion, and watch as it transforms your mindset, your ability to achieve your goals, and your relationships with others.

Source: 3 Myths About Self-Compassion

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Do You Need Fierce Self-Compassion?

Could you use a little self-compassion? Dr. Kristin Neff shares the kind way to set boundaries and stand up for yourself. Source: Do You Need Fierce Self-Compassion?

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How Self-Compassion Can Help Us Through the Holidays

If you’re spending the holidays with family this year, Jeremy Mohler has some advice for staying present when old wounds pop up. Source: How Self-Compassion Can Help Us Through the Holidays – Lions Roar

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Curating What Fills Your Mind Can Shape Your Resilience

The author writes “Being resilient means you have already come through “many dangers, toils and snares.” Hopefully, you will become stronger, more mature, and compassionate. Being resilient means you have successfully broken through the darkness you confronted.

This means you have light to offer others, too. You have insights to share that can help someone else avoid an error you made yourself. Maybe you can calm someone’s fear as they face a procedure you had yourself.

Share the light. Share the wisdom life has taught you. You may well be someone’s answered prayer.”

That is the very purpose of this website — to share the light and wisdom through curation and occasionally, creation. I could just bookmark this content and keep it to myself by I share it here (and automagically to Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and X) in hopes that just one other person might stumble upon it and benefit from it. Go to the source: Curating What Fills Your Mind Can Shape Your Resilience

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The Absence of Jesus in Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol

Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol is a timeless classic that has been captivating readers for generations. It is a story that embodies the spirit of Christmas and teaches valuable lessons of redemption and compassion. Although various religious themes can be found throughout the novella, smart viewers (you know who you are) cannot help but notice the absence of Jesus Christ himself.

Continue reading “The Absence of Jesus in Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol” →
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Self-Compassion in Relationships

Caring for others comes with relationships, and so does caring for oneself. Source: Self-Compassion in Relationships

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What is the singularity and should I be concerned about it?

The concept of the Singularity has intrigued and captivated both scientists and science fiction enthusiasts alike. Coined by mathematician Vernor Vinge and popularized by futurist Ray Kurzweil, the Singularity refers to a hypothetical point in time when technological advancements surpass human understanding and control, leading to a profound transformation of civilization. But should we be concerned about it?

Continue reading “What is the singularity and should I be concerned about it?” →
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Can People Truly Change?

Change is a fundamental aspect of the human experience. Throughout our lives, we encounter numerous circumstances and events that shape us, molding us into the people we are today. But can people truly change? This question has been a subject of much debate and contemplation among philosophers, psychologists, and everyday individuals seeking personal growth. In this blog post, we will explore different perspectives on this intriguing subject.

The Nature vs. Nurture Debate

One of the main factors influencing change is the ongoing Nature vs. Nurture debate. Some people argue that our personalities and behaviors are largely determined by our genetic makeup, while others believe that our environment and experiences shape us. Both nature and nurture play a significant role in who we are, but the extent to which they dictate our ability to change remains a complex matter.

The Power of Habits

Habits are deeply ingrained patterns of behavior that can be challenging to overcome. Whether it’s smoking, procrastination, or unhealthy eating habits, breaking free from negative patterns requires dedication and willpower. However, research suggests that it is indeed possible to change habits through consistent effort and the utilization of various behavior change strategies. This shows that individuals have the capacity for change when it comes to their habits.

Neuroplasticity and Brain Changes

Advancements in neuroscience have shed light on the brain’s remarkable ability to rewire itself, a phenomenon known as neuroplasticity. The brain is not a fixed organ but rather a dynamic and adaptable one. It can form new neural connections and modify existing ones based on experience, learning, and deliberate effort. This implies that our thoughts, behaviors, and emotions can be altered through the rewiring of our brains, offering concrete evidence of our potential for change.

The Role of Self-reflection

Self-reflection serves as a powerful tool for personal growth and transformation. By engaging in introspection, individuals gain insight into their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. This deeper understanding allows for the identification of areas in need of change and the development of strategies to make those changes. Self-reflection creates an opportunity for individuals to take responsibility for their actions and make conscious efforts to become better versions of themselves.

Motivation and Willpower

Change often requires motivation and willpower. Without a desire to change and the determination to follow through, it can be challenging to make enduring transformations. Motivation can stem from various sources, such as personal goals, external influences, or a desire for personal growth. Willpower, on the other hand, is the ability to resist short-term gratification in pursuit of long-term goals. Although motivation and willpower may fluctuate, individuals who possess these qualities have a greater likelihood of enacting meaningful change in their lives.

External Factors and Support Systems

People do not exist in isolation. External factors and support systems can profoundly influence an individual’s capacity for change. Positive, nurturing environments and supportive relationships can provide the necessary encouragement, guidance, and accountability for personal growth. Whether it’s through therapy, mentoring, or the support of friends and family, external factors can play a pivotal role in facilitating change.

The Limitations of Change

While change is indeed possible, it is important to acknowledge its limitations. Some aspects of our personalities, such as core values or temperament, may be resistant to change. Additionally, the extent to which individuals can change varies from person to person. Factors like age, past experiences, and neurological conditions can complicate the process of change. It is crucial to practice self-compassion and acceptance, recognizing that personal growth is a gradual and ongoing journey.

Conclusion

In conclusion, the question of whether people can truly change is a complex one. While the capacity for change exists within us, it is influenced by a multitude of factors, including genetics, environment, habits, neuroplasticity, motivation, and external support. Personal growth and transformation require self-reflection, determination, and resilience. It is important to approach the journey of change with patience, compassion, and an understanding that change is a dynamic process unique to each individual. By embracing the potential for change, we can embark on a path of personal growth and continually strive to become the best versions of ourselves.

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Where Our Negative Thoughts Come From

“We are born alone and die alone, but we are born into families where, from early childhood, we absorb modeled behaviors of our parents, siblings, and caretakers. We watch, listen, interact, and absorb it all. This is where and when our core beliefs and blueprints come from—early childhood experiences, often before the age of 10. The core beliefs are the deep-seated thoughts about ourselves that we take on during this phase of development. The reality is that our core beliefs are not necessarily accurate or true. If, for example, we grew up in a household filled with conflict and violence (emotional or physical), or if we were raised with beliefs about the way the world works or the ways women or men should behave that do not align with who we are today, we often struggle in our relationships and choices and grapple with inaccurate fears and prejudices. When our core beliefs include that we are not smart enough, worthy of, or capable of achieving what we want in life, these beliefs or thoughts can lead to settling for less in life. In this case, it is important that we have compassion for ourselves and what we have experienced, and take positive steps to address the thoughts that are holding us back.”

Source: Where Our Negative Thoughts Come From | Psychology Today

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How to Get Clarity on Whether a Relationship Is Right

This coaching call is about how patience and compassion without clarity can lead to resentment. Today’s caller, Lucy, doesn’t feel like a priority in her partner’s life. She asks for guidance on whether the relationship is right for her or if there are too many red flags. Christine shares some skills that can help Lucy.

“When we have a lot of emotional vulnerability or sexual intimacy and vulnerability with a man, we can mistake it for being in a conscious relationship. If you are in a dynamic where you’re having a lot of emotional intimacy, but you don’t have the consistency or the feeling of safety, it’s not as conscious as you may think. What do you need to do to make a relationship more conscious? Bring accountability, responsibility, and agreements into it.”

Source: EP 414: How to Get Clarity on Whether a Relationship Is Right with Lucy – Christine Hassler

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Are you Gaslighting Yourself?

Gaslighting, a term coined from the 1944 film “Gaslight,” refers to a manipulative tactic used by individuals to undermine the reality, perceptions, and emotions of others. It is a form of psychological abuse that can leave the victim feeling confused, doubting their own sanity, and questioning their own reality. In this blog post, we will explore what gaslighting is, how it affects individuals, and provide strategies to defend against it.

What is Gaslighting?

At its core, gaslighting is a pattern of behavior that involves psychological manipulation, causing the victim to doubt their memory, perceptions, and even their own sanity. Gaslighters employ a range of tactics such as denial, manipulation of facts, distortion of reality, and withholding information to gain control and power over their victims. Gaslighting often occurs in personal relationships, but it can also manifest in professional settings or larger social dynamics.

Read more: Are you Gaslighting Yourself?

Recognizing Gaslighting Tactics

Gaslighting tactics can be subtle and gradual, making it difficult for victims to immediately recognize the manipulation. Here are some common signs of gaslighting:

  1. Constantly questioning your memory: Gaslighters often express doubt or disbelief about events, causing you to question your recollection of past experiences.
  2. Withholding information or resources: Gaslighters may deliberately withhold information or resources, making you dependent on them and undermining your sense of autonomy.
  3. Denying their actions or shifting blame: Gaslighters may deny their wrongdoing or shift blame onto you, making you doubt your perception of reality.
  4. Using your vulnerabilities against you: Gaslighters exploit your weaknesses, insecurities, or fears to manipulate and control your emotions.
  5. Contradicting your experiences: Gaslighters may invalidate your experiences and emotions, making you feel like your thoughts and feelings are invalid or irrational.

Impact of Gaslighting

Gaslighting can have profound emotional and psychological effects on individuals. Victims may experience:

  • Doubt and confusion: Gaslighting can erode confidence and self-trust, leaving victims second-guessing their judgment and decisions.
  • Anxiety and self-doubt: Gaslighting can cause feelings of constant anxiety, self-doubt, and hypervigilance as victims try to anticipate and navigate the gaslighter’s manipulative tactics.
  • Isolation and dependence: Gaslighters often isolate their victims, making them increasingly dependent on the gaslighter for validation and support.
  • Low self-esteem: Continuous gaslighting can lead to lowered self-esteem, as victims internalize the gaslighter’s negative narratives about themselves.
  • Loss of identity: Gaslighting can cause victims to question their values, beliefs, and even their sense of reality, leading to a loss of personal identity.

Defending Against Gaslighting

Although dealing with gaslighting can be challenging, it is possible to protect yourself and regain your sense of self. Here are some strategies to defend against gaslighting:

  1. Educate yourself: Learn about gaslighting and its tactics, as recognizing them is the first step towards countering them.
  2. Trust your instincts: Believe in your intuition and feelings, and trust that your experiences are valid.
  3. Seek support: Reach out to trusted friends, family, or a therapist who can provide a supportive and objective perspective.
  4. Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries to protect yourself from further manipulation and enforce consequences if they are crossed.
  5. Practice self-care: Engage in activities that promote self-care, self-worth, and self-compassion. This could include journaling, practicing mindfulness, or engaging in hobbies you enjoy.
  6. Document incidents: Keep a record of gaslighting incidents, including dates, times, and descriptions. This can help validate your experiences and provide evidence if needed.
  7. Consider professional help: If the gaslighting is severe or pervasive, consider seeking professional help from a therapist specializing in trauma or abuse.

Remember, recovery from gaslighting takes time, support, and self-compassion. With dedication and self-belief, it is possible to reclaim your sense of reality and rebuild your life free from manipulation.

If you need additional support or resources, consider reaching out to helplines or organizations that specialize in abuse or mental health.

[Source: PsychCentral]

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Understanding Intimacy Anorexia and Overcoming It in Relationships

Intimacy is the bedrock of any successful relationship, fostering emotional connection and trust between partners. However, sometimes couples may find themselves struggling with a phenomenon called “intimacy anorexia.” In this article, we will delve into the causes of intimacy anorexia and explore strategies to overcome it, fostering a healthier and more fulfilling relationship.

Continue reading “Understanding Intimacy Anorexia and Overcoming It in Relationships” →
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Mary atop the Golden Dome of Notre Dame

The statue of Mary atop the Golden Dome of Notre Dame is a beautiful and iconic landmark. It is a 19-foot-tall, 4,000-pound statue of the Virgin Mary, cast in bronze and gilded in gold. The statue was designed by Chicago artist Giovanni Meli and was donated to the university by the sisters, students, and alumnae of Saint Mary’s College, Notre Dame’s sister school.

The statue is depicted in the pose of the Immaculate Conception, with her hands folded in prayer and her head slightly bowed. She wears a long, flowing gown and a crown of stars. The statue is set against a backdrop of blue sky and clouds, and it is illuminated by spotlights at night.

The statue has been a source of inspiration and comfort to generations of Notre Dame students, faculty, and alumni. It is a symbol of the university’s Catholic faith and its commitment to academic excellence. The statue is also a popular tourist destination, and it is often seen as a symbol of the city of South Bend itself.

Here is my review of the statue:

  • Design: The statue is beautifully designed and captures the essence of the Virgin Mary. The pose is graceful and serene, and the expression on her face is one of compassion and love.
  • Materials: The statue is made of bronze and gold, which gives it a rich and luxurious appearance. The gold leafing also helps to protect the statue from the elements.
  • Setting: The statue is set against a backdrop of blue sky and clouds, which creates a sense of peace and tranquility. The spotlights that illuminate the statue at night also add to its beauty.
  • Overall: The statue of Mary atop the Golden Dome of Notre Dame is a beautiful and iconic landmark. It is a source of inspiration and comfort to many, and it is a reminder of the university’s Catholic faith and its commitment to academic excellence.
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What is nonviolent communication?

Nonviolent Communication (NVC), also known as compassionate communication, is a communication approach developed by psychologist Marshall B. Rosenberg. It is a method based on principles of empathy, honesty, and mutual respect, with the goal of fostering understanding and harmony in relationships.

NVC encourages individuals to express themselves honestly while empathetically listening to others. It focuses on identifying and communicating feelings and needs as a way to resolve conflicts peacefully. The four key components of nonviolent communication are:

  1. Observation: Describing the situation or behavior without judgment or evaluation.
  2. Feelings: Identifying and expressing emotions experienced in response to the situation.
  3. Needs: Recognizing the underlying human needs or values that are driving one’s feelings.
  4. Requests: Making clear and concrete requests to address those needs.

By using this approach, individuals can cultivate deeper connections, resolve conflicts, and find mutually satisfying solutions. Nonviolent communication can be applied in various settings, including personal relationships, workplaces, and communities as a means of promoting understanding and fostering compassion.

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Why Does My Partner Only Hear Criticism?

Andrew Marshall writes “If you love someone and they love you, shouldn’t you be able to tell them if something they do upsets you? It is a beautiful thought and something I’m sure most people would agree on.

But how can you do it in a loving way—a way that won’t be heard as criticism? Having spent 35 years listening to couples arguing, I have also had plenty of opportunities to think about how to turn this ambition into a reality.” Source: Why Does My Partner Only Hear Criticism?

First, I’m not a mental health professional but I’m surprised to find an article that addresses this issue without mentioning confirmation bias or non-violent communication. Let’s look into those ideas in hopes it will add to the original article.

Continue reading “Why Does My Partner Only Hear Criticism?” →
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Are there parallels between stoicism and buddhism?

Yes, there are many parallels between Stoicism and Buddhism. Both philosophies emphasize the importance of virtue, wisdom, and living in accordance with nature. They also both teach that suffering is caused by attachment to material things and that the way to achieve happiness is to let go of these attachments.

Here are some of the key parallels between Stoicism and Buddhism:

  • The nature of suffering: Both Stoics and Buddhists believe that suffering is a natural part of life. However, they differ in their understanding of the cause of suffering. Stoics believe that suffering is caused by our attachment to material things and our judgments about external events. Buddhists believe that suffering is caused by our ignorance of the true nature of reality.
  • The path to happiness: Both Stoics and Buddhists believe that the path to happiness is to live in accordance with nature. Stoics believe that this means living a life of virtue, wisdom, and self-control. Buddhists believe that this means living a life of compassion, mindfulness, and detachment.
  • The importance of virtue: Both Stoics and Buddhists believe that virtue is essential for a happy and fulfilling life. Stoics define virtue as living in accordance with nature, while Buddhists define it as living a life of compassion, wisdom, and mindfulness.
  • The importance of wisdom: Both Stoics and Buddhists believe that wisdom is essential for a happy and fulfilling life. Stoics define wisdom as the ability to see things as they really are, while Buddhists define it as the ability to see the interconnectedness of all things.
  • The importance of meditation: Both Stoics and Buddhists practice meditation as a way to cultivate virtue, wisdom, and detachment. Stoics use meditation to train their minds to focus on the present moment and to control their emotions. Buddhists use meditation to train their minds to see the true nature of reality and to let go of attachments.

Despite their similarities, Stoicism and Buddhism also have some important differences. For example, Stoics believe in the existence of free will, while Buddhists believe that everything is determined by karma. Stoics also believe in the existence of a soul, while Buddhists believe that there is no such thing as a soul.

Despite these differences, Stoicism and Buddhism are both valuable philosophies that can offer us guidance on how to live a happy and fulfilling life.

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Creating our own life

“We can literally create our own life by committing to choosing our actions, observing our thoughts, and practicing love, compassion, and empathy.” Raffaello Palandri

Creating our own life
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What things do Buddhism and Greek Orthodoxy have in common?

Buddhism and Greek Orthodoxy are two of the world’s oldest religions, and they share a number of similarities. Here are a few of the things that Buddhism and Greek Orthodoxy have in common:

  • A focus on the individual: Both Buddhism and Greek Orthodoxy emphasize the importance of individual spiritual development. In Buddhism, this is achieved through the practice of meditation and mindfulness, while in Greek Orthodoxy, it is achieved through prayer, fasting, and good works.
  • A belief in karma: Both Buddhism and Greek Orthodoxy believe in the law of karma, which states that every action has a reaction. This belief encourages people to live moral lives and to avoid doing harm to others.
  • A focus on compassion: Both Buddhism and Greek Orthodoxy emphasize the importance of compassion for others. This compassion is expressed in both religions through acts of charity and kindness.
  • A belief in the afterlife: Both Buddhism and Greek Orthodoxy believe in an afterlife, although they have different views on what happens after death. In Buddhism, the goal is to achieve nirvana, which is a state of perfect peace and enlightenment. In Greek Orthodoxy, the goal is to be reunited with God in heaven.
Continue reading “What things do Buddhism and Greek Orthodoxy have in common?” →
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Releasing the Habits That Imprison Your Spirit

Tara Brach writes “Addictions of all levels of intensity arise from disconnection and are spiking globally. Humans are experiencing epidemic levels of loneliness, and this combined with engineered products and substances that are highly addictive leads to great suffering. In these two talks, we explore how we get hooked on behaviors that we know cause harm, and how mindfulness and self-compassion can serve our freedom. Key to this process is reconnecting with our inner life, and remembering we are in this together, awakening together.” Go to the Source for more: Releasing the Habits That Imprison Your Spirit – Part 1 – Tara Brach

Tara’s teachings are available on Spotify or your favorite podcast platform…

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