“What do men really want in a relationship and should women be catering to their needs? The answer is a bit complicated and it appears to differ with age. For those under the age of 40, sex ranked first. For the over 40s cuddling and kissing took the top spot. Archives of Sexual Behavior. Ever since the Kinsey Institute report this summer regarding relationship fulfillment, I have been curious about men’s wishes.
While it appears that men and women have different desires, in fact many have similar wishes that simply become confused in translation.
One reason for this says Mark Gungor, in his Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage® seminars is that men and women have different brains. The male brain is compartmentalized, whereas women’s brains are a mass of connected circuits that remember “everything!”
In the world of relationships, we know that women want love, commitment, and romance—but what do men really want? After reading through a manuscript from the Beltway Bachelor—and reminding him that no woman could live up to his 160 page ideal—I asked, “What do men really want?”
Lately I’m having a real hard time listening to music. I’m one of those people who find ‘deep meaning’ in songs and while my wife is away some songs make me feel happy, but others can make me feel a bit melancholy. I love Pandora and I use it while I’m working to build a radio stream around a song an artist or a genre to set a mood while I’m working on a site or doing other technical work. Today I’m going for Baroque…
“Responses to music are easy to be detected in the human body. Classical music from the baroque period causes the heart beat and pulse rate to relax to the beat of the music. As the body becomes relaxed and alert, the mind is able to concentrate more easily. Furthermore, baroque music decreases blood pressure and enhances the ability to learn. Music affects the amplitude and frequency of brain waves, which can be measured by an electro-encephalogram. Music also affects breathing rate and electrical resistance of the skin. It has been observed to cause the pupils to dilate, increase blood pressure, and increase the heart rate.” via Music and the Brain.
Listen to this…
See what I mean? You feel better already don’t you. Look into Pandora while you’re at it — it’s free if you don’t want to use it on your phone but I gladly pay the $36 annual fee…
“Who among us has not made a plan to get up in the morning and exercise, but then hit snooze one time too many, sleeping through our morning jog?
We may have been super-inspired by the incredible brain-boosting properties of exercise. We may have had every intention to start an exercise plan and stick to it. But then… we didn’t. Our warm bed sucked us in. We’ll exercise tomorrow. What we need is willpower.
Once we get in the habit of exercising—or of staying calm in the face of a toddler meltdown, of not checking our email after five o’clock, or of doing anything else we want to have the resolve to do—we don’t need to try so hard. But for now, because we are in the habit of pushing snooze—or yelling, or checking email compulsively all evening—we need self-discipline.” via 5 Tips for Boosting Your Willpower | Psychology Today.
“The potential of an average person is like a huge ocean unsailed, a new continent unexplored, a world of possibilities waiting to be released and channeled toward some great good.”―Brian Tracy
It is generally believed that the average person uses only about ten percent of their potential. That is to say that the average person could be ten times more productive and successful than they currently are. Studies done at Stanford University Brain Institute are even less flattering. They claim that the average person only uses about two percent of their full potential. No matter which figure you agree with, it is clear that we perform far below what we are capable of.
According to Abraham Maslow we are consistently “selling ourselves short.” We concoct all kinds of reasons to rationalize and justify our poor performance and lack of success, ignoring the fact that we all have the ability to develop far beyond anything we have achieved so far.
One common happiness question is: How do you give yourself a boost? If you’re feeling anxious, blue, angry, scared, what can you do to soothe yourself?
One suggestion: find a “comfort food” for your mind. Know what you can do with your brain that will give yourself a comforting break from your worries, at least for a little while. By doing so, you’ll re-charge your battery, find it easier to stay calm and cheerful, find it easier to take action to remedy your situation—and you’ll sleep better. But this is easier said than done.
We all suffer from “negativity bias,” that is, we react to the bad more strongly and persistently than to the comparable good. (What do you remember better, a compliment or a criticism?) Research shows one consequence of negativity bias is that when people’s thoughts wander, they tend to begin to brood. Anxious or angry thoughts capture our attention more effectively than happier thoughts.
So if you’re feeling blue, look for ways to pull your mind away from your worries onto positive topics…
Each and every one of us, as a human being, is hardwired to choose the path of least resistance. We’re programmed to conserve energy for when we might need it and to avoid risk wherever possible, because that’s what it took for our ancestors to survive (and reproduce) in a world full of unknown dangers.
Today, it’s why the status quo — tested, predictable, familiar — is so comfortable. And it’s why we find change so difficult, even when our very lives depend on changing.
Some people think if you are happy, you are blind to reality. But when we research it, happiness actually raises every single business and educational outcome for the brain. How did we miss this? Why do we have these societal misconceptions about happiness? Because we assumed you were average.
When we study people, scientists are often interested in what the average is. If we study what is merely average, we will remain merely average.
Many people think happiness is genetic. That’s only half the story, because the average person does not fight their genes. When we stop studying the average and begin researching positive outliers — people who are above average for a positive dimension like optimism or intelligence — a wildly different picture emerges. Our daily decisions and habits have a huge impact upon both our levels of happiness and success.
Nicholas Bate shares his 50 ways to boost productivity…
Don’t hold stuff in your head.
Keep your head clear and use your head for thinking: decisive, critical, imaginative.
Use paper/screen for ‘holding’ your list of what needs attention.
Our greatest asset is where we place our attention. Bear in mind we live in an exciting world where our attention is constantly ‘pulled’ to another place.
To be productive is to maintain attention on what is important in the face of continuous distraction.
And what needs attention is not just urgent, but what is important and thus often apparently not urgent e.g. health.
Thus: ask what is important?
Firstly by referencing the compass points of your life….
Thus: your business/career
Thus: your health
Thus: your relationships
Thus: your finances
Capture these on you attention list.
Secondly by stretching your planning horizon…
Every day, ask what’s important tomorrow?
Every week, ask what’s important next week?
Every month, ask what’s important next month?
Every quarter, ask what’s important next quarter?
Every year, ask what’s important next year?
Capture these to on your attention list.
And finally anything which is burning and urgent; add these to your list.
But the more you do 8 and 14 above…
The fewer will be generated by 21.
Every end-of-the-working-day review your list and decide what does need attention: create your daily list.
Follow the ‘via’ link above if you’d like the remaining 25 ways. Before you go, however, I’d like to call your attention to a post and a couple of screencasts I’ve done on a tool called Evernote that I use in conjunction with a ‘philosophy’ called Getting Things Done [GTD] to help implement Nicholas’ first 6 ways…
We sprung forward. And with these unseasonably warm temperatures, it’s hard to believe it’s not officially Spring yet! Time to clear out the winter dust bunnies in your brain and make some space for the good stuff!
Let’s start the spring clean with the question “What is your racket?” Meaning, what is the nonsense story you continually tell yourself about yourself that gets in your way?
Let me share one of mine. When I was in my twenties I used to declare, “I can’t cook.” Finally, my mother said, “Terri, that is so tired. If you can read, you can cook. Why don’t you just say what you really mean, that you don’t want to cook? Which is fine.” Um…well…yeah, I guess I never thought of that. I was afraid if I learned how to cook, someone would expect it of me. I would have to be some kind of magician in the kitchen, all meals, all the time.
Now that you have an idea of what I’m talking about, here are some steps to giving yourself that deep down spring clean.
An editorial focus and calendar that reinforces it may be the single most important thing you can do if you want to blog for thought leadership. In his ground breaking book ‘Brand Stand’, Craig Badings writes…
The more research you do on the topic [on which you choose to focus] the more you will understand the space you want to enter. Ask yourself: Who is already playing in that space? What they are saying? Are they achieving cut through? Does our company have substantially more to say or something unique to offer in that space or not? Your deciding question should be ‘Can we own that space?’ If you cannot own a space my advice would be do not go there.
If you have decided you can ‘own the space’, here is an overly simplified formula for achieving alignment in your content marketing strategy and getting ownership:
Brainstorm around your unique offerings in the space. Ask yourself “what are the problems my clients expect me to solve and how do I solve them in a unique way?”
Use Google’s keyword tools to research keywords around those unique offerings
Track trusted sites and keyword searches in Google Reader; read primarily those things that deepen your expertise in your unique offerings without losing the context of the whole space
Only curate or create content on your blog related to that unique offering
Leverage social media, etc. to amplify your content
Connect effectively with the readers you draw in
If you do those things in that order, you will have alignment around solving your customer problems and you will be found when people are looking for your solution[s]. In order to effectively cover my space, for example, which is content management and marketing for thought leadership, I track the topics content management, content marketing and ‘thought leadership’ marketing as well as the following tools:
Blogging
Facebook
Google+
LinkedIn
Twitter
and supporting tools like Google Reader, Shareaholic, Storify, etc.
Thursday, for example, is Twitter day. Every Thursday I reflect on Twitter as part of a balanced content management and marketing for thought leadership strategy and ‘storify’ a summary of the best articles from the previous week. This tactical approach ‘forces’ me to not only review the best content from the previous week in Google Reader and Twitter, but be sure to cover it in my blog.
Questions? Feedback? Comment below or use the connect form. In the meantime, here’s a summary of the best of what I found in content marketing, LinkedIn and Twitter this past week…
Looking to sink your teeth into some good strategic thoughts for a Saturday? Chris Brogan’s got you covered…
2012 is the year where social media oversaturation hits hard. We will scale back on our participation in social networks, and we will most certainly scale back who we choose to follow as sources. This won’t be because someone is bad or good. It will be based on whether the connection with that person adds value to the stream of information we’re cultivating or not.
In determining how to deliver value and stay relevant and visible in this new landscape, I’ve written down 97 ideas to help you build a valuable platform. Note: some of this thinking comes from writing a new book with Julien Smith that isn’t out until Fall 2012. Want some up front hints? Read this post.
Go to the source if you’d like to consider all 97 ideas. Me? I like #66: “The old “ABC” from Glengarry Glen Ross was “Always Be Closing.” The new ABC is “Always Be Connecting.” Networks are what make selling easier. Your platform is part of how you network.” This is the second time ABC has come up in a couple of days and I was surprised that the person I mentioned it to was not familiar with this scene. It won Alec Baldwin an Oscar… [Warning; Not safe for work!]
For me, ABC means “Always Be Content” marketing – the connecting comes later! Chris has the ideas. I have a repeatable workflow for implementing them. Comment, call or ‘connect’ so we can talk about how this applies to you and your organization…
Our minds are programmed to keep us away from dangerous things like tigers.
This can be a good thing in some situations, but when it comes to getting stuff done, it can really complicate matters. Especially if you’re not living in the jungle.
There are basically two kinds of mistakes we can make when it comes to the tiger.
The first mistake is to think there’s a tiger in the bush and there really isn’t. This causes unnecessary anxiety.
The second mistake is to think that there isn’t a tiger in the bush and there really is. This causes death.
Because of the severity consequences of each of these mistakes your mind would prefer that you always make the first mistake in order to avoid the consequence of ever making second mistake.
In order to keep us alive (avoiding tigers) our brains trick us into making three mistakes:
Overestimating threats
Underestimating opportunities
Underestimating resources
When you think about it, this is a great way to keep us alive, but it’s a lousy way to live.
One of my favorite things about life is that we all get a chance, once a day, to start over.
The morning comes bearing gifts of renewal, redemption and a chance to start all over again. The fresh dew on the Spring leaves glimmer as the sun is just starting to poke her head out from the horizon and imbue each morning with the promise of revival. Moments like these remind me that life goes on.
And not only does life go on, but this very morning you have a chance to make a new decision about HOW it goes. I know I don’t get it perfect; I mess up every day. I try to kick sugar and I fail 20 times a week. But I try and try again. And each day I am closer to my result.
The same thing goes for goals, achieving dreams and the quality of your life. You may not have gotten it perfect in the past, but perfection is never what we can really achieve – only progress. When you stop trying to be perfect and embrace progress OVER perfection – you free yourself to live a life on your terms. We, my friend, are human beings, and by our very nature are not perfect.
But what we can do is welcome the promise of the morning, of each new day that reminds us that we can try again and today get it 1% more right. We can be 1% more on our own side, we can love ourselves 1% more and we can come 1% closer to our dreams.
You and I don’t need to get it all done today, because we can’t; but we can achieve 1% more than we did yesterday. We can forgive ourselves 1% more than we did yesterday. We can show up for our loved ones more than we did yesterday.
The promise of the morning inspires me every day. Today, I am to do 1% better than I did yesterday. Day-by-day, slowly but surely these small incremental changes will bring about MASSIVE change in our lives.
Embrace the promise of renewal each morning, and for today, don’t try to be perfect, just be 1% better than you were yesterday.
Bright, shiny objects! 
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