The Slap via @charlesmblow

Of all the opinions I’ve heard in the past week, I find this one the most useful in understanding why I was so disturbed by what I saw.

Blow said “I saw an expression of toxic masculinity how men too often… profess to protect the vulnerable with violence when in fact they’re animated by their own fragility”. To this I simply say ‘yes’.

Needless Angers: Can They Be Eliminated?

Anger poisons relationships, yet anger can easily become a too-frequent habit. Learn more here: Needless Angers: Can They Be Eliminated?

5 Ways to Manage Disappointment

Disappointment can lead to a downward spiral. Read this to ‘check yo’self before you wreck yo’self’! Go to the source: 5 Ways to Manage Disappointment

Here’s another post I did on the topic 10 years ago and there’s more reading here

5 Symptoms of Repressed Anger

What repressed anger looks like. Source: 5 Symptoms of Repressed Anger

Anger: Responding, Not Reacting via @tarabrach

Anger is natural and necessary for surviving and flourishing. Yet when we are hooked by anger, it causes personal and collective suffering: Anger: Responding, Not Reacting

Listen in…

Signs of a Healthy Relationship

We need to focus on what we want (not what’s missing!): Signs of a Healthy Relationship

How to have a difficult conversation

Avoidance will only foster more conflict. Aim for a shared understanding with these techniques from an expert mediator: How to have a difficult conversation | Psyche Guides

How Anger Spreads Like a Virus

Research shows how pain and anger infect on social media and in relationships: How Anger Spreads Like a Virus

12 Ways Social Media Affects Relationships, From Research & Experts

The dangers of comparison: 12 Ways Social Media Affects Relationships, From Research & Experts

Love in the Profound Part of the Brain

To love well, balance autonomy and connection: Love in the Profound Part of the Brain

How to Deal with a Badmouthing Ex

The anger that keeps on giving: How to Deal with a Badmouthing Ex

How to Use Anger as a Catalyst for Action

Today’s National Day of Mourning can help us build toward justice for all: How to Use Anger as a Catalyst for Action

@simonsinek on #leadership

When the people have to manage dangers from inside the organization, the organization itself becomes less able to face the dangers from outside. Truly human leadership protects an organization from the internal rivalries that can shatter a culture. When we have to protect ourselves from each other, the whole organization suffers. But when trust and cooperation thrive internally, we pull together and the organization grows stronger as a result.

Sinek, Simon. Leaders Eat Last Deluxe (p. 16). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

Disappointment

Managing disappointment is a key to success in life and love: Disappointment

3 Simple Rules for Criticizing a Difficult Person

These 3 rules for voicing your criticisms are game changers: 3 Simple Rules for Criticizing a Difficult Person

The Power and Shame of Women’s Anger

When women stop apologizing for and start owning their rage, change happens: The Power and Shame of Women’s Anger

The False Prophet of Common Sense

“If you care about understanding something, then you need to study it, either learning from others’ experience or collecting the data yourself that would allow you to test the causal claim of your common sense theory. In the absence of data, we are all free to speculate, but it is worth reminding yourself that your speculation is exactly that; a flimsy common-sense story that is vulnerable to being blown over by a gust of actual evidence. The common-sense stories we tell to make sense of the world may be compelling, but they are not evidence.

This understanding is essential to taking our own common sense with the grain of salt that it deserves. What seems like common sense to us is, to a great extent, driven by intuition. And, as authors like Daniel Kahneman, Max Bazerman, Dan Ariely, Richard Thaler, and Cass Sunstein have written about so articulately, intuitive judgment is beset by biases. It is possible to train your intuition to improve its fidelity, but that requires substantial training, practice, and feedback. It is rare that life provides us with sufficient training, practice, and feedback. Without them, it is dangerous to place too much confidence in your common-sense intuitions.”

Why it’s easy to be overconfident in our intuitions: The False Prophet of Common Sense

Is Anger Addictive? Is it Worse Online?

Research on anger explains why the online world can be so toxic: Is Anger Addictive? Is it Worse Online?

The 60-Second Anger Experiment

Can you make yourself feel angry without a thought driving it? The 60-Second Anger Experiment

The Angry Self-Concept in Borderline Personality Disorder

New study shows anger toward the self in borderline personality disorder: The Angry Self-Concept in Borderline Personality Disorder

From “Self-Reliance and Other Essays”

I read the other day some verses written by an eminent painter which were original and not conventional. The soul always hears an admonition in such lines, let the subject be what it may. The sentiment they instill is of more value than any thought they may contain. To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men, that is genius. Speak your latent conviction, and it shall be the universal sense; for the inmost in due time becomes the outmost, and our first thought is rendered back to us by the trumpets of the Last Judgment. Familiar as the voice of the mind is to each, the highest merit we ascribe to Moses, Plato, and Milton is, that they set at naught books and traditions, and spoke not what men, but what they thought. A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within, more than the luster of the firmament of bards and sages. Yet he dismisses without notice his thought, because it is his. In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts: they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty. Great works of art have no more affecting lesson for us than this. They teach us to abide by our spontaneous impression with good-humored inflexibility then most when the whole cry of voices is on the other side. Else, to-morrow a stranger will say with masterly good sense precisely what we have thought and felt all the time, and we shall be forced to take with shame our own opinion from another.

There is a time in every man’s education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better, for worse, as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till. The power which resides in him is new in nature, and none but he knows what that is which he can do, nor does he know until he has tried. Not for nothing one face, one character, one fact, makes much impression on him, and another none. This sculpture in the memory is not without preestablished harmony. The eye was placed where one ray should fall, that it might testify of that particular ray. We but half express ourselves, and are ashamed of that divine idea which each of us represents. It may be safely trusted as proportionate and of good issues, so it be faithfully imparted, but God will not have his work made manifest by cowards. A man is relieved and gay when he has put his heart into his work and done his best; but what he has said or done otherwise shall give him no peace. It is a deliverance which does not deliver. In the attempt his genius deserts him; no muse befriends; no invention, no hope.

Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string. Accept the place the divine providence has found for you, the society of your contemporaries, the connection of events. Great men have always done so, and confided themselves childlike to the genius of their age, betraying their perception that the absolutely trustworthy was seated at their heart, working through their hands, predominating in all their being. And we are now men, and must accept in the highest mind the same transcendent destiny; and not minors and invalids in a protected corner, not cowards fleeing before a revolution, but guides, redeemers, and benefactors, obeying the Almighty effort, and advancing on Chaos and the Dark.

Emerson, Ralph Waldo. Self-Reliance and Other Essays (AmazonClassics Edition) (p. 53). Amazon Classics. Kindle Edition.

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