“Have respect for yourself, and patience and compassion. With these, you can handle anything.” ~Jack Kornfield
As I was eating lunch and reading the news in Feedly, the thought occured to me that I should share this with you!
Solitude: the benefits it brings
Are you lonely or alone? Consider this…
“In a study of fifth through ninth graders, Reed Larson found that over time, the older children choose to spend more time alone. What’s more, their emotional experience was improved after they had spent some time on their own. Those adolescents who spent an intermediate amount of time alone – not too much, not too little – seemed to be doing the best psychologically.
The psychologists who really do get it about the sweetness of solitude are the ones I mentioned in my last post – Christopher Long and James Averill. The title of their key theoretical article is “Solitude: An exploration of the benefits of being alone.” No apology. No befuddlement that humans might actually benefit from their time alone.
Here’s how they characterize solitude:
“The paradigm experience of solitude is a state characterized by disengagement from the immediate demands of other people – a state of reduced social inhibition and increased freedom to select one’s mental and physical activities.”
Many readers made similar observations in the comments they posted to Part 1. Although there can be benefits to spending time with others, there can also be rewards to “disengagement from the immediate demands of other people.””
Go to the source if you’d like to read the rest of the article. Me? This reminds me of the old adage about snow. If it comes to me, it’s work. If I go to it, it’s play. Same with being by yourself. If I choose it, it’s solitude. If I feel I have no choice, I’m lonely. What do you think?
Choose to enjoy your choices
“Enjoy your own life without comparing it with that of another.” -Marquis de Condorcet
Don’t believe in pessimism!
“What really matters is what you do with what you have.”
– H. G. Wells
Feeling good
More thoughts on independence and personal responsibility from Melody Beattie…
Make yourself feel good.
It’s our job to first make ourselves feel better and then make ourselves feel good. Recovery is not only about stopping painful feelings; it is about creating a good life for ourselves.
We don’t have to deny ourselves activities that help us feel good. Going to meetings, basking in the sun, exercising, taking a walk, or spending time with a friend are activities that may help us feel good. We each have our list. If we don’t, we’re now free to explore, experiment, and develop that list.
When we find a behavior or activity that produces a good feeling, put it on the list. Then, do it frequently.
Let’s stop denying ourselves good feelings and start doing things that make us feel good.
Today, I will do one activity or behavior that I know will create a good feeling for me. If I’m uncertain about what I like, I will experiment with one behavior today.
Sometimes, when I feel angry or inadequate I either go for a brisk walk or I do something that I’m really good at. In a perfect world, I shut out distractions and do both. It’s a tonic for the soul…
Standing on your own two feet and facing uncertainty
“Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.” ~John Allen Paulos
There Are No Failures!
“There are no failures – just experiences and your reactions to them.”
– Tom Krause
Work
“Work is love made visible. And if you can’t work with love, but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of the people who work with joy” – Khalil Gibran
Monday is the day I normally post on my most important topic; blogging and content marketing for ‘thought leadership‘ marketing. As I was posting this morning, I thought it might be a good idea to do a screencast on the ‘mechanics’ of curation. You can see that post here…
Doing the screencast, there were so many times I referred to other aspects of curation that I decided to round them all up in the following Storify story so here it is in one place; almost everything I think I know about the artful curation of content using Twitter and Windows Live Writer along with a host of other tools…
<script src="
Every screencast I’ve ever done on the mechanics of curation!
Every screencast I’ve ever done on the mechanics of curation!
http://storify.com/e1evation/almost-everything-i-think-i-know-about-the-mechan.js”>%5B<a href="
Every screencast I’ve ever done on the mechanics of curation!
Every screencast I’ve ever done on the mechanics of curation!
http://storify.com/e1evation/almost-everything-i-think-i-know-about-the-mechan” target=”_blank”>View the story “[Almost] everything I think I know about the mechanics of curation” on Storify][<a href="
Every screencast I’ve ever done on the mechanics of curation!
Every screencast I’ve ever done on the mechanics of curation!
http://storify.com/e1evation/almost-everything-i-think-i-know-about-the-mechan” target=”_blank”>Here’s a link to the Storify story in case it doesn’t display properly!]
Is happiness the secret of success?
Some people think if you are happy, you are blind to reality. But when we research it, happiness actually raises every single business and educational outcome for the brain. How did we miss this? Why do we have these societal misconceptions about happiness? Because we assumed you were average.
When we study people, scientists are often interested in what the average is. If we study what is merely average, we will remain merely average.
Many people think happiness is genetic. That’s only half the story, because the average person does not fight their genes. When we stop studying the average and begin researching positive outliers — people who are above average for a positive dimension like optimism or intelligence — a wildly different picture emerges. Our daily decisions and habits have a huge impact upon both our levels of happiness and success.
Chris Brogan starts the week with a very zen-like perspective on social media…
A lot of what we do in social networks certainly seems busy and active. We tweet. We share. We pass on articles (sometimes because we’ve been asked/begged/pleaded with to share them). We skim a lot. We glance over a post or concept and pass it on without adding much except for that valuable pass-through.
Agencies and other organizations quite often pat their clients on the back and say, “Wow! Look at that! Your article got 1000 retweets and 2900 likes!” The company owner then smiles politely back and asks, “And that gives me….”
We can surely look very busy, doing all this social media work. But that’s not the real work.
The real work is earning a valuable share from a trusted resource to a network of thoughtful and potentially like-minded individuals.
Seek those opportunities for business, and not the blind retweets and busy-ness that can otherwise glitter just as brightly.
Source: The Opportunity for Business
Sure, I could have just retweeted this but it’s such a good thought to start the week I wanted to do a little more! It’s a good reminder to be intentional about sharing and curation this week. Go to the source if you’d like the rest of his perspective…
Related articles
- 11 Guaranteed Ways to Get Others to Retweet Your Content (hubspot.com)
- Chris Brogan on Adopting and Investing in Social Media (venpop.com)
- Is Social Media Strategy Required or Redundant? (convinceandconvert.com)
- 5 Tips for Moving Social Media Leads Into the Sales Funnel (socialmediaexaminer.com)
- Facebook, Passwords, Employers and a Business Opportunity (readwriteweb.com)
Control
Melody Beattie shares…
Many of us have been trying to keep the whole world in orbit with sheer and forceful application of mental energy.
What happens if we let go, if we stop trying to keep the world orbiting and just let it whirl? It’ll keep right on whirling. It’ll stay right on track with no help from us. And we’ll be free and relaxed enough to enjoy our place on it.
Control is an illusion, especially the kind of control we’ve been trying to exert. In fact, controlling gives other people, events, and diseases, such as alcoholism, control over us. Whatever we try to control does have control over us and our life.
I have given this control to many things and people in my life. I have never gotten the results I wanted from controlling or trying to control people. What I received for my efforts is an unmanageable life, whether that unmanageability was inside me or in external events.
In recovery, we make a trade-off. We trade a life that we have tried to control, and we receive in return something better — a life that is manageable.
Today, I will exchange a controlled life for one that is manageable.
This Moment is a Chance to Be Free
Every once in awhile, even Shirley Maclaine is right…
Dwelling on the negative simply contributes to its power.” ~Shirley Maclaine
Have you ever felt like you were drowning in negativity?
Maybe you were feeling down on yourself, but instead of pulling yourself up, you made yourself feel bad for struggling with yourself in this way.
Or maybe you made a mistake, but instead of forgiving yourself, you beat yourself up over it, rehashing everything you should have done.
It’s all too easy to get stuck in a cycle of negativity. Even if we practice yoga, meditate, or start our mornings with positive affirmations, we can fall down, and find ourselves wondering why it feels so hard to get back up.
As I mentioned last week, I spent most of my life in this type of cycle, and despite the tremendous progress I’ve made over the years, I still fall into this trap sometimes.
When this happens, I might be tempted to think myself in circles—to essentially let my feelings paralyze me while I dwell on the same fears and frustrations over and over again. And then I might wonder why I feel so stuck.
The truth is we feel paralyzed when we paralyze ourselves, and we can set ourselves free if we stop obsessing about why we can’t.
Go to the source if you’d like to read the rest of Lori Deschene’s post…
How To Escape? Understand, Really Understand The Rules of Life. Rule 6…
I found blogger Nicholas Bate through my friend David Kanigan. Are you following his ongoing series? Here’s his rule #6…
We have been seduced. Even though folk tales, our parents and pop song lyrics have warned us, we love to be seduced. But money, fast cars, sex, drugs and rock and roll do not make us happy-or certainly not beyond the instant application. But research does consistently show that the following will:
Growth and challenge. We human beings love a challenge. Because it gets us to grow. And we are meant to grow. We are not meant to stagnate: we get dulled, jaded, and unhappy. Of course what that challenge is for you,only you can find out. It might be teaching disadvantaged children, it might be becoming a gardener, or building a multi-national organisation.
Nurturing our Nature. But what ‘growth’ is doing, of course, is allowing us to nurture our nature. To take the genetic gifts we have and use them, to enjoy them. Again, no one can tell you what those are. No-don’t try and be Richard Branson-simply be the best version of you that you can be; that’s what nurturing your nature really means. And as you challenge yourself you’ll find out more about what your true nature is.
Do it with passion (or pack it in). And once you are nurturing your nature you will want to do it with passion. You’ll love it. You won’t be able to help it. And if you don’t: it’s telling you something. Pack it in as soon as you conceivably can.
Balance your compass. You know what a geographical compass is. If it is not set correctly, you’re in a mess. You’ll get lost. The same applies to your personal compass. Set it correctly and the path is yours. You’ll get there and you will enjoy the journey. Ensure you know what you want for your (1) career; what are you going to do? How are you going to earn money? (2) mind/body: are you looking after them? How? (3) finances: what state are they in? What needs action? (4) relationships: which ones need some attention? (5) fun: are you having fun-if not, what’s the point? (6) contribution: that’s the one which make us all tick, really. Where’s your contribution?Source: How To Escape? Understand, Really Understand The Rules of Life. Rule 6 – Nicholas Bate
I like “do it with passion or pack it in”. How about you? Go to the source if you’d like to download his free ebook…
How to Stop Dwelling on the Life You Could Be Living
“If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” ~Oprah Winfrey
Nine requisites for contented living
Health enough to make work a pleasure.
Wealth enough to support your needs.
Strength to battle with difficulties and overcome them.
Grace enough to confess your sins and forsake them.
Patience enough to toil until some good is accomplished.
Charity enough to see some good in your neighbor.
Love enough to move you to be useful and helpful to others.
Faith enough to make real the things of God.
Hope enough to remove all the anxious fears concerning the future.
–Johann von Goethe
A Mayonnaise Jar and Two Beers….
A friend passed this on with the admonition to share it with someone I care about. That would be you…
“When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours
in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 beers…
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in
front of him.
When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty
mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the
jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls..
He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with a unanimous ‘yes.’
The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured
the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space
between the sand.
The students laughed.
‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to
recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things—your family, your children,
your health, your friends and your favorite passions—and if everything
else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house
and your car.
The sand is everything else—the small stuff.
‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no
room for the pebbles or golf balls.
The same goes for life.
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never
have room for the things that are important to you.
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Spend time with your children.
Spend time with your parents.
Visit with grandparents.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your spouse out to dinner.
Play another 18.
There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.
Take care of the golf balls first—the things that really matter.
Set your priorities…..
The rest is just sand.
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer
represented…
The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked.’
The beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there’s always room for a couple of beers with a friend…”
Here’s How To Love Yourself and Feel Great!
I stumbled upon this gem from Bryan Reeves this morning…
Have you heard the expression, “The world is your mirror”?
I originally learned that means whatever I saw in the world/people around me only reflected something within me. More interestingly, whatever I rejected in others, in the world “outside” me, only pointed at the same quality within me.
At first, that idea pissed me off.
I despised my father’s obvious arrogance; there was no way I was arrogant like him. I despised my then-girlfriend’s shallow judgmental thoughts; I didn’t judge people like she did. In fact, I was awesome, possibly even headed for sainthood. After all, the only way I could see the judgmental and arrogant nature of others was because I was so wise and insightful, so unusually compassionate and loving (it made sense at the time).
So, saintly being that I was, I would use “the mirror” as a spiritual weapon to vanquish the unseeing. For example, at the slightest provocation by that former girlfriend, like when she made a judgment about my character, I would just smash the “mirror” over her head (metaphorically speaking). It generally went something like this:
“Say what? You think IIIIIIII am selfish, disrespectful and immature?? …. Weeeeell, what does that say about you??? … After all, I’m just your mirror!!” [SMASH!!!]
It was basically the spiritual version of “I’m rubber, you’re glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!” Obviously, I sensed wisdom in the idea but just couldn’t figure out how to make it work for anyone.
One day, a friend reacted angrily to news of a child being murdered. In discussing the “mirror” idea, he refused to accept that his angry reaction to the story meant that he also was violent and could do such a thing to a child.
I understood his objection. It seemed a solid refutation of the idea. So I went home and meditated on it.
Then it popped.
via Here’s How To Love Yourself and Feel Great!.
Go to the source if if you want to know ‘what popped’!
Bright, shiny objects! 
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