Tag: Mental Health

Don’t lunge at the gerbil!

English: Dove gerbils have light grey fur and ...
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In ‘The Language of Letting Go’ Melody Beattie shares a story…

“One day, my son brought a gerbil home to live with us. We put it in a cage. Some time later, the gerbil escaped. For the next six months, the animal ran frightened and wild through the house. So did we—chasing it. “There it is. Get it!” we’d scream, each time someone spotted the gerbil. I, or my son, would throw down whatever we were working on, race across the house, and lunge at the animal hoping to catch it. I worried about it, even when we didn’t see it. “This isn’t right,” I’d think. “I can’t have a gerbil running loose in the house. We’ve got to catch it. We’ve got to do something.” A small animal, the size of a mouse had the entire household in a tizzy. One day, while sitting in the living room, I watched the animal scurry across the hallway. In a frenzy, I started to lunge at it, as I usually did, then I stopped myself. No, I said. I’m all done. If that animal wants to live in the nooks and crannies of this house, I’m going to let it. I’m done worrying about it. I’m done chasing it. It’s an irregular circumstance, but that’s just the way it’s going to have to be. I let the gerbil run past without reacting. I felt slightly uncomfortable with my new reaction—not reacting—but I stuck to it anyway. I got more comfortable with my new reaction—not reacting. Before long, I became downright peaceful with the situation. I had stopped fighting the gerbil. One afternoon, only weeks after I started practicing my new attitude, the gerbil ran by me, as it had so many times, and I barely glanced at it. The animal stopped in its tracks, turned around, and looked at me. I started to lunge at it. It started to run away. I relaxed. I said. “Do what you want.” And I meant it. One hour later, the gerbil came and stood by me, and waited. I gently picked it up and placed it in its cage, where it has lived happily ever since. The moral of the story? Don’t lunge at the gerbil. He’s already frightened, and chasing him just scares him more and makes us crazy. Detachment works. Today, I will be comfortable with my new reaction—not reacting. I will feel at peace.”

‘Don’t lunge at the Gerbil’. That’s quite a motto…

Beattie, Melody (2009-12-15). The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) (pp. 344-346). Hazelden. Kindle Edition.

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Appreciating ourselves…

LOVE and CARE for you , my Dearest!!!“We are the greatest thing that will ever happen to us. Believe It. It makes life much easier.” – Codependent No More

It is time to stop this nonsense of running around picking on ourselves. We may have walked through much of our life apologizing for ourselves either directly or indirectly feeling less valuable than others, believing that they know better than we do, and believing that somehow others are meant to be here and we are not. We have a right to be here. We have a right to be ourselves. We are here. There is a purpose, a reason, and an intention for our life. We do not have to apologize for being here or being who we are. We are good enough, and deserving. Others do not have our magic. We have our magic. It is in us. It doesn’t matter what we’ve done in our past. We all have a past, woven with mistakes, successes, and learning experiences. We have a right to our past. It is ours. It has worked to shape and form us. As we progress on this journey, we shall see how each of our experiences will be turned around and used for good. We have already spent too much time being ashamed, being apologetic, and doubting the beauty of ourselves. Be done with it. Let it go. It is an unnecessary burden. Others have rights, but so do we. We are neither less than nor more than. We are equal. We are who we are. That is who we were created and intended to be. That, my friend, is a wonderful gift. God, help me own my power to love and appreciate myself. Help me give myself validity instead of looking to others to do that.” Source; November 29: Appreciating Ourselves | Language of Letting Go

These words should not be as important to me as they are, but they are! Hey, relatives — you know who you are: “Others have rights, but so do we. We are neither less than nor more than. We are equal. We are who we are. That is who we were created and intended to be.” This holiday season will be the best in a long time because I’m giving myself permission not to play a role in their drama or buy into their bullsh!t…

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Letting go of worry…

Biting one's lip can be a physical manifestati...
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“What if we knew for certain that everything we’re worried about today will work out fine?

What if.. .we had a guarantee that the problem bothering us would be worked out in the most perfect way, and at the best possible time? Furthermore, what if we knew that three years from now we’d be grateful for that problem, and its solution?

What if. . .we knew that even our worst fear would work out for the best?

What if. . .we had a guarantee that everything that’s happening, and has happened, in our life was meant to be, planned just for us, and in our best interest?

What if. . .we had a guarantee that the people we love are experiencing exactly what they need in order to become who they’re intended to become? Further, what if we had a guarantee that others can be responsible for themselves, and we don’t have to control or take responsibility for them?

What if. . .we knew the future was going to be good, and we would have an abundance of resources and guidance to handle whatever comes our way?

What if. . .we knew everything was okay, and we didn’t have to worry about a thing? What would we do then? We’d be free to let go and enjoy life.

Today, I will know that I don’t have to worry about anything. If I do worry, I will do it with the understanding that I am choosing worry, and it is not necessary.” Source: November 28: Letting Go of Worry | Language of Letting Go

Crank it!!!

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Balance

Seek balance.
Balance emotions with reason.
Combine detachment with doing our part.
Balance giving with receiving.
Alternate work with play, business with personal activities.
Balance tending to our spiritual needs with tending to our other needs.
Juggle responsibilities to others with responsibilities to ourselves.
Balance caring about others with caring about ourselves. Whenever possible, let’s be good to others, but be good to ourselves too.
Some of us have to make up for lost time.

Link: http://melodybeattie.com/meditations/?p=762 (sent via Shareaholic)

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Financial fears

Various Federal Reserve Notes, c.1995. Only th...
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The following is from Melody Beattie’s ‘The Language of Letting Go’…

“I sat in the car, looking at the sign on the door of the food shelf office: “Closed until Friday.” It was Wednesday. I had two hungry children and myself; I had no money. I laid my head on the steering wheel. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had been so strong, so brave, so trusting for so long. I was a single parent with two children, recently divorced. I had worked so courageously at being grateful for what I had, while setting financial goals and working at believing I deserved the best. I had put up with so much poverty, so much deprivation. Daily, I worked the Eleventh Step. I worked so hard at praying for knowledge of God’s will for me only, and the power to carry it through. I believed I was doing what I needed to do in my life. I wasn’t lollygagging. I was doing my best, working my hardest. And there just wasn’t enough money. Life had been a struggle in many ways, but the financial struggle seemed endless. Money isn’t everything, but it takes money to solve certain problems. I was sick of “letting go” and “letting go” and “letting go.” I was sick of “acting as if” I had enough money. I was tired of having to work so hard daily at letting go of the pain and fear about not having enough. I was tired of working so hard at being happy without having enough. Actually, most of the time I was happy. I had found my soul in poverty. But now that I had my soul and my self, I wanted some money too. While I sat in the car trying to compose myself, I heard God speak to me in that silent, still voice that whispers gently to our souls. “You don’t ever have to worry about money again, child. Not unless you want to. I told you that I would take care of you. And I will.” Great, I thought. Thanks a lot. I believe you. I trust you. But look around. I have no money. I have no food. And the food shelf is closed. You’ve let me down. Again I heard His voice in my soul: “You don’t have to worry about money again. You don’t have to be afraid. I promised to meet all your needs.” I went home, called a friend, and asked to borrow some money. I hated borrowing, but I had no choice. My breakdown in the car was a release, but it didn’t solve a thing—that day. There was no check in the mailbox. But I got food for the day. And the next day. And the next. Within six months, my income doubled. Within nine months, it tripled. Since that day, I have had hard times, but I have never had to go without—not for more than a moment in time. Now, I have enough. Sometimes I still worry about money because that seems to be habitual. But now I know I don’t have to, and I know I never did. God, help me work hard at what I believe is right for me in my life today, and I’ll trust You for the rest. Help me let go of my fears about money. Help me turn that area over to You, God. Take away the blocks and barriers in my life to financial success.”

Beattie, Melody (2009-12-15). The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) (pp. 336-337). Hazelden. Kindle Edition.

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Positive Energy

“It’s so easy to look around and notice what’s wrong.

It takes practice to see what’s right.

Many of us have lived around negativity for years. We ye become skilled at labeling what’s wrong with other people, our life, our work, our day, our relationships, ourselves, our conduct, our recovery.

We want to be realistic, and our goal is to identify and accept reality. However, this is often not our intent when we practice negativity. The purpose of negativity is usually annihilation.

Negative thinking empowers the problem. It takes us out of harmony. Negative energy sabotages and destroys. It has a powerful life of its own.

So does positive energy. Each day, we can ask what’s right, what’s good about other people, our life, our work, our day, our relationships, ourselves, our conduct, our recovery.

Positive energy heals, conducts love, and transforms. Choose positive energy.

Today, God help me let go of negativity. Transform my beliefs and thinking, at the core, from negative to positive. Put me in harmony with the good. ” Source; November 19: Positive Energy | Language of Letting Go

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The victim trap

“The belief that life has to be hard and difficult is the belief that makes a martyr. We can change our negative beliefs about life, and whether we have the power to stop our pain and take care of ourselves. We aren’t helpless. We can solve our problems. We do have power—not to change or control others, but to solve the problems that are ours to solve. Using each problem that comes our way to “prove” that life is hard and we are helpless—this is codependency. It’s the victim trap. Life does not have to be difficult. In fact, it can be smooth. Life is good. We don’t have to “awfulize” it, or ourselves. We don’t have to live on the underside. We do have power, more power than we know, even in the difficult times. And the difficult times don’t prove life is bad; they are part of the ups and downs of life; often, they work out for the best. We can change our attitude; we can change ourselves; sometimes, we can change our circumstances. Life is challenging. Sometimes, there’s more pain than we asked for; sometimes, there’s more joy than we imagined. It’s all part of the package, and the package is good. We are not victims of life. We can learn to remove ourselves as victims of life. By letting go of our belief that life has to be hard and difficult, we make our life much easier. Today, God, help me let go of my belief that life is so hard, so awful, or so difficult. Help me replace that belief with a healthier, more realistic view.”

Beattie, Melody (2009-12-15). The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) (pp. 331-332). Hazelden. Kindle Edition.

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Taking care of ourselves…

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A good thought this morning from ‘The Language of Letting Go’…

We do not have to wait for others to come to our aid. We are not victims. We are not helpless. Letting go of faulty thinking means we realize there are no knights on white horses, no magical grandmothers in the sky watching, waiting to rescue us. Teachers may come our way, but they will not rescue. They will teach. People who care will come, but they will not rescue. They will care. Help will come, but help is not rescuing. We are our own rescuers.

Our relationships will improve dramatically when we stop rescuing others and stop expecting them to rescue us. Today, I will let go of the fears and self-doubt that block me from taking assertive action in my best interest. I can take care of myself and let others do the same for themselves.

Beattie, Melody (2009-12-15). The Language of Letting Go (Hazelden Meditation Series) (p. 329). Hazelden. Kindle Edition.

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Peace…

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“Anxiety is often our first reaction to conflict, problems, or even our own fears. In those moments, detaching and getting peaceful may seem disloyal or apathetic. We think: If I really care, I’ll worry; if this is really important to me, I must stay upset. We convince ourselves that outcomes will be positively affected by the amount of time we spend worrying.

Our best problem solving resource is peace. Solutions arise easily and naturally out of a peaceful state. Often, fear and anxiety block solutions. Anxiety gives power to the problem, not the solution. It does not help to harbor turmoil. It does not help.

Peace is available if we choose it. In spite of chaos and unsolved problems around us, all is well. Things will work out. We can surround ourselves with the resources of the Universe: water, earth, a sunset, a walk, a prayer, a friend. We can relax and let ourselves feel peace.

Today, I will let go of my need to stay in turmoil. I will cultivate peace and trust that timely solutions and goodness will arise naturally and harmoniously out of the wellspring of peace. I will consciously let go and let God.” Source; November 13: Peace | Language of Letting Go

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Fullfillment

““Everything I need shall be provided today. Everything:’ Say it, until you believe it. Say it at the beginning of the day. Say it throughout the day. Sometimes, it helps to know what we want and need. But if we don’t, we can trust that God does. When we ask, trust, and believe that our needs will be met, our needs will be met. Sometimes God cares about the silliest little things, if we do. Today, I will affirm that my needs will be met. I will affirm that God cares and is the Source of my supply. Then I will let go and see that what I have risked to believe is the truth.” Source: November 12: Fullfillment | Language of Letting Go

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Surrender

Umezu signing the instrument of surrender to t...
Surrender...

“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. Step Three of Al-Anon; Surrendering to a Power greater than ourselves is how we become empowered. We become empowered in a new, better, more effective way than we believed possible. Doors open. Windows open. Possibilities occur. Our energy becomes channeled, at last, in areas and ways that work for us. We become in tune with the Plan for our life and our place in the Universe. And there is a Plan and Place for us. We shall see that. We shall know that. The Universe will open up and make a special place for us, with all that we need provided. It will be good. Understand that it is good, now. Learning to own our power will come, if we are open to it. We do not need to stop at powerlessness and helplessness. That is a temporary place where we re-evaluate where we have been trying to have power when we have none. Once we surrender, it is time to become empowered. Let the power come, naturally. It is there. It is ours. Today, I will be open to understanding what it means to own my power. I will accept powerlessness where I have no power; I will also accept the power that is mine to receive.” Source: November 11: Surrender | Language of Letting Go

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The Basics of Self Care

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“Isn’t everyone codependent?” a woman asked me.

“Maybe,” I said.

It is easy to get embroiled in other people’s dramas. Isn’t it even easier to see what other people need to do to take care of themselves, rather than tend to our own affairs? That’s when we need to remember the basics of taking care of ourselves.

These basics include comfortable living arrangements, enough sleep, proper nutrition and hygiene, social contact, fun or pleasure, taking responsibility for our own emotions, earning enough money to pay our bills, taking responsibility for our own goals and dreams, and saying no sometimes to others and sometimes to our own impulses.

My daughter introduced me to a computer game recently. It’s a game where you create a city and get to rule the lives of the people in it. In this game, you get to decide where the people sleep, how much they sleep, when they eat, when they go to the bathroom, when they take a shower, whether they clean up after themselves, when they rest, whether they go to work so they can pay their bills and buy food, how much education they get, and how much they socialize. Kind of like playing God. “You can make the people go crazy,” my daughter explained. “All you have to do is not let them get enough sleep.

One of the meanings of “jaded” is being exhausted. Not getting enough sleep, not eating properly, not tending to our own emotions or our social needs can easily cause us to become jaded.

We can make ourselves feel crazy by not tending to the basics. It was tempting to torture the people in the game just to see how they reacted. Sometimes it’s tempting to torture ourselves.

Value: Whether we call it self-care, taking responsibility for ourselves, being good to ourselves, or practicing the basics, that’s the value we’ll explore this week.

via melodybeattie.com
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Take Responsibility

“My life changed when I stopped waiting for someone to rescue me and began taking responsibility for myself.” I haven’t heard this statement from just one person. I’ve heard it from thousands, including myself

Gratitude Focus: We usually don’t have the power to control what’s going on around us, but we can be grateful that we always have the power to hunker down and take care of ourselves.

via melodybeattie.com

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Step One: Self-love. Step Two: True Love

Author: Bagande
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Good stuff from lovemeister Mastin Kipp…

If you’re looking for a truly Loving relationship, it is very difficult to be in a relationship with someone who isn’t on the path to self-love. We don’t have to love ourselves perfectly to find awesome love, but we have to be on the path to self-love. This also means that whomever we choose to be in a relationship with should be on that path, too.

There will never be a perfect moment where we love ourselves perfectly and then we can be in a relationship. It’s a constant process of discovery with no end. But for a relationship to thrive and for intimacy to emerge, each person must be dedicated to growth; otherwise, you will hit a wall.

A huge revelation for me recently has been that nobody, including myself, is perfect. It sounds obvious when I write it, but for many years I would meet people and project this expectation of perfection on to them. And I would get mad, angry and hurt when they wouldn’t meet that expectation. So, I’ve recently decided that from the beginning of any relationships I start, that I want to acknowledge my own imperfection as well as the imperfection of the other person and consciously choose to enter into a relationship not seeking perfection, but rather loving each other’s imperfections. And instead of looking to the other person to meet all our needs perfectly, to take our eyes off of ourselves and put them on The Uni-verse.

via thedailylove.com
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Say it Like it is

Pain
Image by Michelle Brea via Flickr

Acknowledge your pain. Then you can begin to identify the source of it, and in identifying, you can begin to heal. When we open ourselves to emotions, we don’t just get the good ones, like happiness or relief. Feelings are a package deal. We get the entire emotional range.

Pain and suffering are part of the experience of being alive. Things go wrong. Lovers leave us, parents and sometimes children die. We fall, we fail. Don’t hide from your pain.

Don’t bury it under a shell of drugs, alcohol, or shallow achievement. If you hurt, then hurt. Recognize what you’re going through. Then learn to tell it like it is.

God, help me acknowledge the pain in my life instead of trying to mask it with mood-altering substances or mindless busywork. Teach me to say what hurts. Show me what it is that I need to do to heal; then give me the strength to do that.

via melodybeattie.com
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Take Care of Yourself no Matter What

Alcoholics Anonymous
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Some days, we wake up in the morning, and by the time we go to bed that evening, our life has twisted, changed in a way that we couldn’t predict and don’t want. Our worst fears have come true.

Life as we have known it will never be the same again. The problem isn’t just that this tragedy has come along and knocked our lives for a loop, although that alone would be enough. To complicate matters, we now know how vulnerable we are. And we wonder, in that vulnerability if we can ever trust God, life, or ourselves again.

Many years ago, the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous, a spiritually based program designed to help alcoholics recover, cautioned people not to base sobriety and faith in God on the false notion that any person is immune from tragedy. They knew that life would continue to be life.

You are not alone, in your joy or in your sorrow. You may feel that way for a while. But soon you’ll begin to see that many others have experienced, surrendered to, and transcended a similar misfortune or loss. Your pain is important. But you’re not being singled out. Don’t use your misfortune to prove that you were right all along you’re a victim of circumstance, fate, and God.

“God must really love me,” a young man said one day after walking away from a motorcycle accident that should have been tragic.

God loves all of us, whether we walk away pain free or not.

Keep taking care of yourself, no matter what.

God, transform my pain into compassion for others and myself

via melodybeattie.com
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Sometimes, Relief is Just Around the Bend

Two people on the shore of the Pacific Ocean
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I needed to go into the city for errands. It was a chilly morning at the beach, not even 70 degrees. I put on my jacket, got in the car, and headed out. I made the turn onto the canyon road and was struck by the beauty of the fog burning off, playing peekaboo with the canyon walls. It was 94 and sunny when I arrived in town.

I ran my errands and stopped at In-and-Out Burger for lunch. When I got back in the car, the thermometer read 102. It was hot. Traffic was bad, the temperature reached 106 on the freeway, and even the air conditioning didn’t help much.

Finally, I turned back onto the canyon road. The grass was brown and I worried about wildfires they get so bad here.

Soon, I noticed the temperature was down to 94 again, then 90, then 88. The hills turned green. I rounded a corner and could see the Pacific Ocean. The temp was 82. By the time I made it home it was back to 74

I was surprised at the big difference a few miles made. Sometimes, a small change can impact the way we’re feeling a lot. Feeling overwhelmed or pressured? Do something else for a while. Give yourself a treat. Sometimes, the smallest change in our routine can do wonders to change the temperature in our lives.

God, help me see any changes I can make that will have a positive effect on my energy and on the way I feel.

via melodybeattie.com
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It’s Our Lesson

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
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When you learn your lessons, the pain goes away.
– Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, The Wheel of Life

Sometimes, we wait and wait for a painful situation to end. When will he stop drinking? When will she call? When will this financial stuff get better? When will I know what to do next?

Life has its own timeline. As soon as we get the lesson, the pain neutralizes, then disappears.
And the lesson is always ours.

Examine your life. Are you waiting for someone or something outside of you to happen to make you feel better? Are you waiting for someone to learn his or her lesson for your pain to stop? If you are, try turning inward. See what the less on really is.

God, please show me what I’m supposed to be learning right now.

via melodybeattie.com
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Preserving Mental Health During Unemployment

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Our nation is facing unprecedented rates of unemployment as well as job insecurity and dissatisfaction. Recent figures put the national jobless rate at close to 10%, not including those who left the workforce or those staying in unsatisfying jobs. In a culture that values the work role and external signs of status, wealth and achievement above all else. it is not surprising that rates of anxiety and mental disorders are increasing and that more prescriptions for anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medications are being written every day.

via my.psychologytoday.com

Follow the ‘via’ link above if you or someone you love is unemployed…

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Dump it

thues 3
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Sometimes, we don’t have one clear feeling to express. We have a bunch of garbage we’ve collected, and we just need to dump.

We may be frustrated, angry, afraid, and sick to death of something all in one ugly bunch. We could be enraged, hurt, overwhelmed, and feeling somewhat controlling and vengeful, too. Our emotional stuff has piled up to an unmanageable degree.

We can go to our journal and write this whole mess of feelings out, as ugly as it looks and as awkward and ungrateful as it feels to put it into words. We can call up a friend, someone we trust, and just spifi all this out over the phone. Or we can stomp around our living room in the privacy of our own home and just dump all this stuff out into the air. We can go for a drive in our car, roll the window down, and dump everything out as we drive through the wilderness.

The important idea here is to dump our stuff when it piles up.

You don’t always have to be that healthy and in control of what you feel. Sometimes, dumping all your stuff is the way to dean things out.

God, help me understand that sometimes the only thing preventing me from moving forward in my life is hanging on to all the stuff that I really need to dump.

via melodybeattie.com
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